I’m not a superstitious person, but on occasion I believe in clichés, and that’s only because for the most part all clichés are true. I have this thing with fortune cookies. Every time I see some coming my way with the bill, I can easily detect which one is mine. Is it because of my ESP(n)? Probably, but either way, they say when you know, you know.

Sometimes I don’t always get the cookie that catches my eye and I’m like, fuck! I should’ve got the other cookie! Especially if it’s a good fortune! But then I think, what if I intercepted someone else’s fortune and was meant to see what may happen in their life that can somehow link to mine? I question almost everything, which is a problem. And that’s only because anything is possible. I also think it’s weird when you get the same fortune twice.

The other day I was walking and stumbled across a fortune on the floor. As it was, it was meant to be for me to cross it. Out of complete curiosity, because after all it did kill the cat, more than once, I picked it up to see what it had to say. I hate thinking should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. I’m learning to take opportunities, right and wrong, right when it comes my way, so maybe all this questioning will cease! –Life is a learning experience! We live and learn, and sadly for some, they have to get Luvs.

It said that I was going to come across other means of income. I was like, OK! Next thing I knew, like a week later, I was receiving somewhat of a job offer. I was like, co-incidence? Could it be? Timing? They say everything happens for a reason. Sadly, the bad, too, but we can’t enjoy the good if there wasn’t any bad.

But then my last one, which caught my eye right as the waiter was approaching me, I grabbed purposely, adamantly and forcibly because this time one of the little voices in my head said “take it!” I was so satisfied with it and I was so glad I made that move. It said I was in for an adventure. The next thing that happened, unknowingly that night, I became blonde. And they say blondes have more fun.

The cat is killed, slaughtered.

And with that, I have to be open and fearless the most, especially to the unexpected because that is the only way our characters will grow; we’ll never know how something is until we find out for ourselves. Let’s face it, we can take people’s advice and we can take precautions, but ultimately, it all goes in one ear and out the other. Bottom line, call me cliché, but expect the unexpected. Anything is passible because nothing is impossible (–Alice in Wonderland).

Oh! And by the way, since we’re on the matter, SPOILER ALERT! “Expect the Unexpected” is a CRUCIAL chapter in Volume Two of The Cubicle Diaries: Friends Close, Co-Workers Closer. I am soooooo excited for this one. More details will follow.

You seem so simple, yet underneath there’s so much going on.

I am an HD radio, and your presence causes my frequency to intercept nothing but static.

You make me think reality is fiction,

You are too good to be true.

When I see you, I see two things: purity and boldness;

It’s all I’ve ever wanted, and it’s something I thought I’d never find.

You make everyone want to look at you,

For no one can resist turning their head or double looking when you cross their path.

I don’t know what is better, listening to you speak or looking at you come my way,

But every time you come my way, I feel like a foreigner in my native land.

Regardless, I am headed for a reckoning.

A sight for sore eyes: an understatement,

For looking at you strengthens my weakening eye sight.

And when I see you going, going away,

It’s back to melancholy and darkness like before the light of day.

Gifted in height, body shape, and looks,

Help me now,

For you make me think it’s a full moon every night.

The gleams of crystals in your eyes makes you shine bright even in the dark.

I never thought this was possible, but because of you I know I have a heart.

Your strong force makes my metal guard liquidate,

Your enigmatic persona can cause scientists to go mad;

Trying to figure you out is like trying to break the firewalls of Homeland Security’s secret database,

But if it gets us talking then I will learn any gibberish internet codes I have to.

The more I don’t attempt to talk to you,

The deeper I make my lovesick wound.

The world doesn’t exists when you’re around for I am in a pool of quicksand, caught, grasping for dear life,

But is it wrong to want to die if I know you were right there by my side?

Torture is what I feel when I am not acknowledged.

And as I see you fading away to your everyday life,

It’s like letting a leprechaun go without asking for the pot of gold, or not asking a unicorn for a ride.

As the New Year arrives we can’t help but ask ourselves what’s in-store. So many questions fill my head. The New Year is great because it gives us individuals the chance to start anew. (And in a sense lie to ourselves). Sometimes you gotta fake it to make it. Anyhow, I’m happy and I’m going to make this year the best. All I can try to do is make the best of everything. Think positive & you will get positive. All I am is someone who dreams. I rely on my hope. It can’t let me down, it’s all I have. I’ve been reflecting on my accomplishments, and the ones that are coming up for fulfillment, and I keep on asking myself still, what’s next? I have to keep on hustling it. I may have accomplished a lot for my age, but I’m not done. I have so much to exercise. I have been a little tired lately, because I’ve been living by such a strict schedule and trying to make the most of my time, and I find myself then thinking, what would Ryan Seacrest do? Bazooka Joe comic # 46 says, if you want your dreams to come true, don’t sleep! And then I wonder, how many hours of sleep does Ryan Seacrest get a night!?! Because that mofo is getting shit done! It’s good to hustle, but not burn your fuse out, so little breaks here and there are OK, but don’t get comfortable.

Then I was thinking, what the hell did all those social media freaks do when Facebook was down for those forty-five minutes!? Talk about Dante’s Inferno, talk about purgatory! Talk about the wrong type of blast from the past. Seriously, what did the world do for forty-five minutes!?! I bet the servers almost crashed because of all the selfies and food posts the caused a traffic jam that were trying to be up loaded once the site was back on. I thought Mark Zuckerberg’s character said, “…the Facebook could never go down” – The Social Network. He also said, “The Facebook is like fashion, it’s never done.” And that is the way I feel about The Cubicle Diaries! It’s never done. And that’s when I say, shit happens! I wonder how many panic attacks there were. I wonder how many people felt so lonely that they couldn’t overrate their lives, or put their personal business out there for the world to know, or the rather act like they care. Imagine that one person who finally decided to stop following that other one person because they could no longer stand their posts, or them in general, and finally worked up enough nerve to cut them off only to be derailed by the down network. Or rather even worse! That one person who finally worked up enough nerve to friend request their crush and when they went to sign on, butterflies in their stomach, all of them, their hopes signed off. Oh the irony! So sad! Better luck next time! Here’s something for you,,, Why don’t you approach that person in person and hold a conversation!?! Bitches be like,,, I love someone who can give me a good conversation, but when a busta calls there is no answer only a text a few minutes later stating, what’s up? Oh shit! That’s right à Rise of the Agoraphobics.

I finally did something I’ve been longing to do. I #finally dyed my hair blonde. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a loooong time & I finally did it. I just said, f-*& it! I’ve done brown, but never this full on. And I’m gonna say, I like it! Aside from all my curiosities, the real question is, do blondes have more fun?

They say we should do what we love.
Luckily this year I did all of the above.
In fact, that is my mission in life, to be all of the above.
Is it safe to start reflecting on 2014?
I believe so.
I’m glad the winter solstice day landed on a Sunday.
It caps the week off good, and makes Sunday feel nice and long.
2014!
Wow…!
I thought September was a mark itself because it hosts the conclusion of summer and direction towards fall, which is crazy because that is something itself, and everyone “loves” their summers  ‘Summertime Sadness,’ but from fall to winter… Wow!
Who knows what to expect.
We should all expect the unexpected.
It sounds cliché, but, for the most part, all clichés are true.
I can expect the winter to be cold.
And no, I am not a groundhog.
Just a hog.
So far, recently, it has been cold in LA.
I learned sooo much!
I was just thinking the other day how I am concluding this year on a “Hustle”.
2014: Year of the Hustle.
I definitely learned a lot about myself.
I just finished another quarter.
–Of school!
Almost done!
I published my first book.
I’ve met some pretty random people.
I did my travelling.
I did my restauranting.
I am very fortunate.
My birthday was fun.
My half birthday was better.
I did a lot of LA.
Lots of city,
Lots of beach.
I have fallen victim entirely to American Horror Story, and I don’t even have an addictive personality.
It’s one of those victimizations you don’t mind being the victim of; it’s more than a guilty pleasure.
It’s one of those guilty pleasures you get pleasure for being guilty of.
I’ve always followed it, but now I REALLY follow it.
It’s also really hard
To say which is my favourite installment.
I kind of wanna say Coven?
I cannot crack exactly what it’s going to be for season5.
I have ideas.
I have assumptions.
But I don’t know…
I know the top-hat is a “big” clue.
This makes me think of anything that pertains to it.
The circus?
Old Hollywood?
Will they use the story of Peg Entwistle?
Or the prohibition era?
Something that takes place in Kansas and has to do with slavery?
I do not know!
Will it be part of a travelling circus?
And will that be too much of a relation to Freak-show?
I can be completely off based.
It wouldn’t be the first time.
lol.
I don’t know…
Hampton is such a big boy.
For the most part, I stayed true to my new year’s resolutions, and it has me thinking now, should I even bother making new ones for 2015?
I really want to hit up the gym, but I can’t until like the 3rd week of January because that mofo will be packed with all the people who claim they want to “lose weight,” “get toned,” or “stay fit” for the new year, so I need to turn to nature and utilize its resources like hiking and my pull-up bar in the meantime.
It’s like school in the beginning of the semester at community college school.
It’s almost time to start focusing entirely on Volume II.
Make it more than just a thing to touch up on.
Wink
Wink.
Bears may hibernate,
And birds may fly south,
But I
Will have to get to work!
The conversion of the seasons, and with the stars aligning and all because of winter solstice, I cannot help but think of all the possibilities the next year has to offer.
It’s all so symbolic.
Ah, the perks of life.
Holiday cheer to you,
Dear reader,
2015 is full of surprises.
I am ready to act on them,
The best has yet to come.

Lately in the recent years teachers have received the shorter end of this stick and haven’t received the recognition they deserve. I mean we all owe them so much. Because of them I can spill. But when a teacher is well compensated and has tenure than they shood not complain about pretty much anything, right? They R making almost six-figures, they cann take sabbatical—payd sabbatikal, they have summers off, they have job security and light days, but for some professors that iz still not enuff. It comes to the point where they becomes damn near pretentious and pompous becuz they’re bored and teaching people who strive to get edukated. And that is when I say a line straight from the book, THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE COFFEE, BY OTTER HOLMES, who in the hell do you think you are!?!]

You have those proFassORS that will never be satizfied and find themselves doing nothing but complaining!!!! They even began to komplain about they’re complaining!!!! I love when a professor will say, Yeah, but, I have a PhD in the hopp-skotch!!!! why don’t you get one and teach the class!? –out of nowhere, too!! After asking what is a dumb question becsides themm always saying their is no dumb question. Um, I’m sorry, I thought this was a state school, not a fucking ivy-league! We expeckt some type of respeckt! Geeze!!!! And with that PhD you seem to not only be miserable at your job, but you don’t even know the answers to all the questions your students are asking –for someone who specializes in this critique. Go jump-rope!

Some of the staff in the my major, handball, or since we’re all being pompous in the matter “area of concentration,” are damn right sexist, aside from being pretentious n pompous, and I will keap saying that til some of the air deflates out of their big head and have them come to reality where the rest of us R. I gett it, I’d ragg on others too if I went to skool for dat long. We’re kind of in the same boat, in case you forgot. Fuck “Rate Your PROfASSor, this is Rate my professor!!!!! The male professors spend more time checking the female students out and bragging how they were in college listening boy rock n roll bands. Um, FYI, I’m new-money!!! I tear shit it up.

And the female professors, when they are not judging you and eating you a live with their eyes criticizing your every blink, or breathe of air, are being sexist, extreme feminists would say the least, and spending more time praising the female students so they can look superior. Um, I will sound sexist, now, NO WONDER THE CANONS WERE MALES! Talk about revenge of the nerds!

I’ve taken this one professor on numerous occasions, because they say you shood take the same teachers 2 get 2 know them and learn there style and ultimately secure your grades. I’ve taken this professor more than I shood have. At furst, she was fucking straight up rude to me. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was already over her job, three times already, and I couldn’t take it toooo personal because she was mean to EVERYONE –even the staff—but I felt like she had it out to get me. Other students wood be like, what did you do to her? And I wood say, I don’t even know her!?! She’s the smallest bully I have ever seen. She comes off so cynical, too. I loveD her teaching skills and she knows her shit, but as time progressed, aside from entirely being “over it” she was becoming more contradictory and cynical. The door wouldn’t even close behind her and she was already complaining. Her hair wood Komplain if it can. She Wood put people on the spot and call them by the wrong name. one time a girl smashed her finger in class and Doctor Madison Mary Trickleberry, PhD, the professor, a.k.a “CaddyMaddy,” shouted in front of the class, “Stop looking at your nails, they’re not that interesting!!!” Another time a sick student was in class, because God forbid someone “cutting” her class even if there sick, and was coughing. She told the student in front of the class, I know your sick, but your disrupting my class so stop.” The next week Madison was sick and was coughing and not covering her mouth! Madison will tell me, “Your paper needs A LOT (she stresses on the a lot part and makes big dramatic eyes) of work,” but does she tell me what’s wrong with it? No, because she would rather see her students squirm and fail and figure it out for theirselves and give them something else to dock there points off of. And if you’re mail, good luck! You ain’t getting shit from her but a hard time. Another time a foreign student raised his hand because he didn’t understand the assignment directions. He politely introduced that he waz going 2 ask a question, and Madison shouted in front of the class, WHAT IS IT NOW!? It was sad. It comes off comedic and lifting, especially when her lectures are making the yon more kontagious, but after a while its old and annoying and frustrating and embarassing. I at least hope she’ll go home and hit the bottle for crying out loud, but since she’s ONLY a professor with a phD that makes six-figures plus, probably, she probablee gets the cheap vodka, taaka, or the cheap wine that even when you smel it it gives you a headache. Retire already! Switch to administration. Teach Handball for Dummies! Your Addvanced section sucks!!

And don’t get me started on Administration! The President of the university sayz “mind matters” and that is only so no 1 goes and tries to blow up the school and go ‘postal’ on everyone there, but is there room to get a psych appointment in at the student health center? NO. You wanna talk with the shrink about your problems? Well, if you book today in early December, you’re looking at end of January. Can you hold your problems off ‘til then? Go get a stress ball or something or go for a walk, you’ll be fine honey!!!! Going to a public school is like working in the damn private sector! There’s no fucking justice!

And speaking of Aministration, they say to always get advice from an academic advisor. Well what R you 2 do if the fucking advisor gives you wrong advice!? U try to take it up with the department chairs because there are multiple becuz every1 deserves good money, don’t they? I mean they all half there phD., and all he says after his hours of twiddling his fingers pretending to investigate the matter  because you don’t wanna have to be there another year, is, “Oh, well, rules are rules and you have to take this class and we cannot count the class you took that we told you to take to satisfy the requirement… sorry. Better luck next time.” Um, when the fuck do you expect me 2 get out of here. It feelz Gothic!

While working on a bachalor, one shood be a fucking doctor given the amount of school and courses you have to take becuz UR given the wrong advise from an addvysur! I get it, skool shood come furst, but these professors don’t want you to have a personal lyfe, so they slamm you with reading 20 books in a 10 week course and still expect you to perform to there level because in all of our past lifes we wur docktors, and enginnerres, and, rocket scientists. It’s not about managing your time, it’s about seeing who has the lamer lyfe, you or them? And then students are so into debt because they can’t find a decent job to accommodate there skool schedule so they have 2 take student loans that they;ll never pay back and then they;ll find a real job they went to skool for becuz they have no experience. And don’t even get me started on how the class schedule is shrinking more and more every new quarter, and soon to be semester.

Not only do we live by the PROfessur, we literally live by the PROfessor. The PROfessors blame state budgets, which is probably true because Jerry Brown’s duplictuous ass is too focused on being a good politician by playing on both sides –puns intended- that he doesn’t want tuition increases, but he won’t give any more money in the budgets!?!? ‘The Jones’ are in an entirely different lifetime! We no theirs money! Why don’t you go and give Arnold a call and do lunch, or do whatever in the fuck it is you do and bring your pen and paper while your at it and have his agent call you!

CaddyMaddy is really starting to push my buttons. She’s always claiming my work is tooo vague. So what do I do? I get more into detail, go over the writing amount required and makes the better effort. I get my next paper bak and she says its toooo wordy. OMFG!!!!!! How much can one write about handball and hopp-skotch!! What I will get her is some extra strength rechargeable batteries for that jackhammer vibrator she has neglected to use in 14 years or so? Then Madison will be like, um, you should know this by now!? Um, you’re teaching us things we don’t know. How are we expected to know!?! Then she’ll be like, as she is gripping her cane ready to bashe me with it, oh yeah, I’ve been doing this for 59 years. “HAHAHAHA, Sorry! I forgot I taught Marilyn Monroe before she dropped out and overdosed,” CaddyMaddy claims. She probably fucken overdosed becuz she had flashbaks of U torturing herr! The Bitch dropped out! Then Madison adjusts her denture and spits out whatever was in the way.

Some of the classes are missing blinds for the windows, we can always her everything that goes on in the other classes because the walls are so thinn becuz they chose to get the cheaper plywood while KONstructing the building to save a penny, or five million, we can’t make a mess when we do a performance for class as a part of the ASSignment because the janitor might get mad –um, WTF is the purpose of having a janitor than if the students who pay tuition and never get out of the whole for it, have 2 clean up after themselves!?!

And don’t even get me started on “DR” Ariel Caprease, head pig and head pretentious douche. The complaints that are sent innto my skool are like the rape claims sent in at the University of Virginia, they seeze to exist. I just don’t get it. and everyone is always holding there tongue to avoid confrontation and so the vindictive teacher, I’m sorry DOCTOR, doesn’t retaliate on them and fail them and blackball them. the people who are supposed to be the example and helping you succeed are tearing you down! I used to lie to myself and give them the benefit of the doubt and thought, well maybe they’re just trying to make me a better student? Maybe they’re just being like that because they want me to try harder? Maybe they’re just being like that because they know I am capable of so much more!? No, mother fuckers! Take the stunner shades, or blue blockers rather, off. THEY WANNA SEE YOU FAIL! So they can C you some more, re-fail you, make you wanna drop there class then have the audacity to wonder why there are so many less student than when the quarter started, so they can make sure the school is still “getting” state money to secure their job, and when they finally decide to let you go and pass you with a D+ and not even a C at the least, because apparently these fucking PROfessors get charged for giving away As and yes, the + and – matter, FYI, than they:ll let you walk across that stage when your hair is as gray and missing as theirs. It appears to be a vicious cycle and all because us stupid americans wanted the American dream and education is everything and we’ll never get anywhere without an education and the more you know the better you are. Then all those students can become teachers and get payback on all the future students who have 2 pay more out of there pocket and get less from the state then It’s a vicicous sigh-cul. They have to get a job on all they know because those who cannot do teach.

The Thanksgiving holiday may be over, but that doesn’t mean the thanking stops there. Plus, it’s Thanksgiving, who doesn’t love leftovers!?! And might I say there are plenty of left overs that I cannot even picture going to town on. I am so full I feel like a damn rhinoceros. Not only am I thankful, but I am so FULL! Therefore, I am thankFULL. Yeah, idiot, I know!

In case you didn’t know, not only is November my favourite month, but Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday. And no, it is not because I am a closeted rhinoceros who appears to be skinny but in reality I am this huge beast, actually, I take that back… LOL.

Another year of Thanksgiving traditions: wear brown, watch thanksgiving television episodes, contribute towards the cooking, send those certain people texts telling them how thankful I am to have them in my life, and how thankful they are to have me in theirs. LMFAO. JK! To me, those small little things like “thank you” texts matter so much, but most of all I reflected on all that I am thankful for in general, more than just a whole. The ‘English’ in me would say an explication on being thankful. This year I added a new tradition: wear orange and watch ‘Jack and Jill’ which might I say is one of my three favourite movies besides “A League of Their Own” –don’t judge! LMFAO and “The Great Gatsby,” which happens to have an awesome soundtrack, BTW. And of course, what is Thanksgiving without a side of drama. This year I got lucky and didn’t have a full on course of drama like I have had in my yesteryears, I’d say it was rather small, very small portion like a hor d’ourve of it.

I may have given thanks once today, but I don’t think I can stop there. Giving thanks is eternal for me. Thankful is what I am because I have so much to be thankful for. I never want to go looking unappreciative because I despise that in people. I cannot stand ungrateful people. I actually have a name for them, ungrateful little brats. There comes a time after giving and giving when one should just cut the cord and let that person go without any remorse. It amazes me when that/ those unappreciative little brats have the audacity to get mad when you finally decide to cut them off. Suddenly you’re the villain. LMFAO. No, Smitty, suddenly I am the smart one. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about unappreciative little brats and how some of them have the nerve to get mad at me because I finally decided to cut them loose. The world is so corrupt and everyone’s excuse is always, Well, I have to look out for myself because no one else will. Umm, HELLO! You had no shame milking me and did I ever complain!?! No. But maybe it was stupid of me to be a good shoulder to lean on, or someone to turn to. Now, my shoulder is turned and you can face my back and I dare you to backstab me. Oh wait, you already did that. In fact, it was stupid of me to deal with certain people for so long ESPECIALLY because I know how certain people did, but now, I am thankful that I finally woke up and decided to throw the trash out, scraps and all. Frankly, I don’t feel bad for cutting certain people loose. I just try to be the friend, and person, I would want in return and it is a shame that most people do not have the same mentality. Now, once I see certain traits and patterns of people from what I now consider my yesteryears, I am cutting them loose. You’ll get a chance because everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, and I believe that “shit happens,” but for the most part I am not going to waste anyone’s time, especially mine. Been there, rocked that! It amazes me how we grow old, but people never seem to grow up. And then there are those people who are just all talk and full of shit. Pun intended. Which I cannot stand either because they are like mice; they can multiply and multiply overnight! They say we live and learn, and well, I am still living and still learning. And because of my right choices, I can say I am living well.

But then I got to remember, not everyone is published or educated. Well, you know what, I can successfully say, that is not my problem. I only got to look out for myself! People are so skeptical to invest in themselves and sadly, the only thing they’re willing to invest in is plastic surgery. And it makes me laugh my ass off when it all goes to waste, because for the most part we all know it does.

I hate to sound cynical or contradictory, but I am thankful for those shady people because it reminds me to never be like them. I’m thankful for people who make poor choices because its guidance for me. I’m thankful for TV & good TV because we can really learn a thing or two from it. I’m thankful I am well-travelled because it has broadened my mentality. I’m thankful for neoliberalism because it reminds me no one is going to do anything for me, because “we all have to look out for ourselves.” I’m thankful for the public library. It’s such a valuable resource! I owe them three dollars by the way, but they still trust me and I only owe them because the lazy ass clerk didn’t input my return in a timely manner so now I gotta pay! But it’s OK, I use the shit out of them. I’m thankful for idiots and gossip. I’m thankful for my hot body and fortunate good looks because there are some ugly people out there–inside and out. I’m not Kanye’s fan, but he was right, the prettiest people do the ugliest things and I have noticed, the prettiest people tend to be the most broken. I am thankful for my sense of style and creativity. I’m thankful for my support system and my higher power. I am thankful for the light and the dark. We would not appreciate one without the other. I am thankful for my health and my freedom. I am thankful for the attitude I have, my mindset. I am thankful for most of my family members. I am thankful for my appetite on all levels. And as for you dear reader, I am thankful for you. This holiday marks the one year anniversary of otterholmes.com. I hope you stop and reflect on all that you’re thankful for and actually express you’re thankful because that all it takes, a simple “Thank You.” I could go on and on about all that I am thankful for, but I have pie and more wine to attend to.

Gobble Gobble.

The end of the year may be coming, but all sorts of new beginnings are beginning to line up. I don’t want to reflect on 2014 just yet, because it is still not over, but I will say, WHAT A YEAR! And it’s CRAZY because I do not even know what to think about 2015 and what is going to happen then. I will tell you that I feel myself going in a good direction. I feel it and I feel superior in a good way and not in some cocky, arrogant way either. I feel like I am on some type of pedestal. I am moving forward in my life and it feels all the better because I have confidence by my side. I already know two major events for me and 2015 that are going to happen, and No, I am not going to share them just yet. Why? Because I am not one to talk about it, I am one to be about it. Not only do I dream big, but I push to make shit happen, and I do not waste all my time dreaming. It’s crazy because my launch party acted as so much. It was such a pivotal point for me. It was my half birthday which means I have completed half of my twenty-eighth year, and now I can put the pedal to the metal and really make shit happen for the other half. Literally, my launch party/ half birthday acted as the closing of one chapter and the beginning of a new one. And no, it is not a pun for my book or the fact that I am a writer, that’s really just the way I feel, and I really hope everyone does something for themselves where they too can have the same feeling because it’s a really good feeling. I feel like an entirely different person, a good person, a better person. I feel so good too [about myself, and no, it is not because I was anywhere near insecure] because I have terminated my relationship with a few beings for my own personal good. Everyone is always talking about bettering themselves, but people try it for like a week and then go back to their old self because they are scared of change. It [also] makes me laugh when people are always talking about cutting the bad out of their life when in reality they’re the bad, or when people are so broken and empty that their number one mission is to try and rain on people’s parade hoping they can make themselves feel better, but like every high it comes crashing down –hard. And then there are the people who do nothing but overrate and fabricate their life on social media, but in reality they’re this empty, broken, anti-social freak who does not know how to act when he/she is in public because all they do is hide behind a damn computer all day! I swear, I blame the internet for so much, especially for messing up people’s social skills. Most people do not know how to act anymore, and anyone who insists on letting the internet run their life is pathetic. Agoraphobics seem to be the masters of social media. I have noticed that some of the weirdos are the really old people who feel they need to post everything online, as if people care, and the ones of the younger generation who know nothing better. Shouldn’t the older people be working!?! On my last trip, to Washington DC, I saw some dumb brod take three different pictures in the cafeteria of our hostel within a matter of like 10 minutes. I wanted to tell her to give it a rest already! And I bet she only got like 2 likes combined out of it all, too! Actually, the younger generation seems to be hurting the most when it comes to people skills because this is all they know. Sad. I look at some of my school mates who act weird and I can’t say, get a life, because sadly, they think they have one.

Wow, what a tangent. Anyhow, my overall message, do something worthy to lift your spirit, don’t be a real negative person and cut anyone in your life who is regardless of how long you have known them because they will never change, and have some human-to-human interaction with another human being and not a damn avatar.

It finally happened! I #finally had my launch party. “The Cubicle Diaries: There’s Something in the Coffee” has officially debuted. The Black Rose Kiss of Death Ball happened, and I can confidently say it was successful. Everything turned out EXACTLY like I wanted it to. There was black roses everywhere, and a few white ones to spice up the décor; there was champagne flowing throughout the night. The appetizers were BOMB! And my second to last demand besides having everyone look fly, the red velvet cake with the cream cheese icing was superb. It was magical. The weather was perfect all while ‘Blame’ was bumping in the background. It’s so funny because one year ago, when I actually wanted to launch my book, it did not happen and I was saddened by it, but everything worked out for the better and I got SUPER lucky and I was able to get what I wanted come this year. It was such a good event. And if you check out “The Cubicle Diaries” page on Instagram or my Facebook, you can see. And if you are not too much of an anti-social lurker then add me. I won’t bite –hard. So many people complimented not only me on my hosting skills but the venue itself. Held at the rooftop of the beautiful and legendary Rockwell inside the decorative and historical Los Feliz Village, everything went so smooth it feels unreal. I was surrounded by so many great people, I would not change anything for the world. Yes, I did want everyone I invited there, but now that I think about it, everyone who I really wanted there was. I mainly invited my family and a lot of “old” friends, people who I have “grown up” with and known for a long time, and I use quotes on grown up because let’s face it some of us have yet to grow up! Sadly. But I also had a few new friends. I did not just invite anyone to make sure people attended because we all know that the one fear of throwing a party is having no one attend. I felt so privileged to have so many people come and make the effort for me. And I say “so many” because it was a packed house. Even security had to come up and make sure I was not over capacity. I loved it because the area was so private. We could see everything, but everything could not see us. When people walked up the ramp, it was like a red carpet event; everyone looked like a celebrity, not just me. I believe, and was complimented on, my hosting skills, as well as my outfit which was great. I had a classy, vintage bowtie courtesy of my BFF, and might I say it was quite the penny. I devoted a specific amount of time to everyone. I wanted all of my guests to know that I knew they were there. As I reflect on my magical night, I just think about everyone who was of attendance, everyone who went to celebrate me! Yes, I wish everyone I invited attended, but when I actually think about it, everyone who I REALLY wanted there was. And as for my “old” friends who did not make it, it helps me understand and realize and reassure myself that they are considered “old” for a reason. For the most part, some, or most, of them will just be left behind in the chapter I just closed; this is an exciting new beginning for me and I do not need “old” baggage. This was in fact one of the biggest nights of my life and writing career. As for my new friends that went out of their way to attend, I cannot be happier they are in the new chapter of my life that I am beginning. They are proof that it does not matter how long you know someone, it is the depths they are willing to go to support you. Those are the kind of people one should have around. It’s SO CRAZY! I cannot believe it finally happened! I feel so lifted! I feel more like an example and inspiration more than ever! I am so thankful for my support system that helped me construct the party. I feel lifted, high and glamourous. I cannot stop smiling. Ain’t no mother fucker raining on my parade, especially if the actual rain did not ruin my party.

“May this be proof that dreams do come true” –Otter Holmes

Once upon a time when I was young and naïve, Los Angeles was all I knew, and I once thought it was all I ever needed. Boy was I wrong. That has since all changed. For the most part, I am OVER Los Angeles; Los Angeles is not everything to me. There’s a whole other world out there and the grass is looking pretty green on that other side.

LA has changed. It’s getting crowed, too crowded, and crowded with IDIOTS! Everyone wants to come here because of the “weather” and yada, yada, yada. All these people say they move (here) for the beach, but how many times do they actually go to the beach? It’s even funnier when people say they’ll never leave California — especially because of the beach. OK! People here are just flat out too much. It’s amazing how high these people’s horses are, too. Who do they, and you, think they are!?! It gets annoying and old when there is always some dumbass crashing on the freeway(s) because they’re paying too close attention to their navi or texting and they end up fucking it up for everyone! The other day it took me 3 hours to get home, and I wasn’t even far from home. There was an accident and the stupid ass city was WHORE-able at working around it, both enforcement and drivers. I hope someone got fined for it. And don’t get me started how in a place where driving and cars are everything, the stupid ass city can’t even fix the roads we’re driving on! Pot-hole? It’s OK! Drive around it or use Google maps on your phone for another route, or how about look on your navi that’s taped to your windshield and cause another accident and fuck up everyone else’s rotation some more!

Speaking of driving in LA… It annoys the shit out of me when dumbasses are bumping their Bluetooth phone conversation with the windows down acting like people want to hear their stupid conservation! That’s what the government is there for –to listen to your conversation– not someone trying to get to their destination stuck in grid lock next to an idiot like you. People won’t talk and drive, but they’ll text and surf the internet and drive? OK! Newsflash! If no one likes your stupid ass food pictures you post to get a few seconds of fame, or the drink pictures you post –because apparently you’re the only one who drinks– or the selfies on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Kik and all those other stupid networks you’re trying to promote yourself on, then no one is going to want to hear your pathetic phone conversation! By the way, do tell me what has happened in between your last selfie, about an hour ago, and the one you just posted 10 minutes ago? Please share and at the end of it, hash tag ‘famewhore’ you famewhore. I swear I wish people would remember what it was like without a cell phone come flashback Friday or Throwback Thursday and all those stupid ass theme days like Man crush Monday, Woman crush Wednesday, Selfie Sunday —make it stop!!! Go for a walk — without posting the nine millionth sunset picture or checking in that you are on a hike at the trails! Better yet read a book, an actual book not an ebook and preferably mine, The Cubicle Diaries. Yes, this has turned into a tangent. For God’s sake, roll up the f’n window and turn the AC on! I swear! Common sense is not so common! And that’s sad, REAL SAD. People cannot even perform the standard nowadays. Apparently that is asking for too much, and no one can compliment anyone because then one is mistaken for hitting on the other!?!? Thank God I am an alien because (sometimes) people suck! I think people forgot that there’s a certain etiquette one should follow when being in public and being in private. But then again, how can you expect so much when you’re dealing with a whole bunch of idiots who can’t even wipe their notch right!

And since we’re on the topic of idiots and people who think they are someone… It REALLY makes me laugh when people are on cloud nine-TEEN because they got the new iPhone. Whoopdeefuckingdoo! Hhheeyyyy! You know what that means!?!? More selfies, more food pictures and more drink pictures because you have the best device in the whole world that can do all of that and then some! Everyone is analog while you are digital! YOU GO, GLEN COCOA!!! OH! Then you can whip out your phone to see if there are any new ‘likes’ from three minutes ago, when there weren’t any as it was, but more importantly you can show off you have the best phone in the world that is about to be considered outdated come six months by its successor of the same company! Go give them your finger print so you can hand over your soul already. Oh shoot! Then I have to remember that ‘likes’ are everything. ‘Likes’ determine how you look and feel about a person, and how popular you are. Don’t you know that ‘likes’ are all that matters now!? —Even to those who say and post about ‘likes’ not mattering and yada, yada, yada. GET A LIFE! I LOVE when idiots, you know who you are, have the attitude of, If you don’t ‘like’ my stuff, I’m not going to ‘like’ your stuff, AND if you don’t follow me, I won’t follow you — and that is just the tip of the ice berg. GET A FUCKING LIFE! What’s even more pathetic than that, and I don’t understand why people HAVE to do this, is when people go on vacation and do nothing but post, POST, P O S T!?! #OMFGG! Why even go on vacation!?! Go to the beach that’s just a drive away that you came for and never want to leave from! When I meant “get a life” that wasn’t so you could go somewhere else and “photoblog” about it, and in case you were wondering, just because you take and post a bunch of pointless pictures all day does not make you a photographer. Do not quit your day job! DO NOT! In fact, go and get another one in that field just to secure yourself. And since the iPhone is the best thing planet earth has ever seen, nothing else matters! I forgot to add that what makes the “new” iPhone even better is that it bends in your pocket! My God! Slice bread what!?! Mother fucker please! The next thing in your pocket should be my foot! Hopefully I’ll be wearing steel toes that day, too! Some, or most, of these people just need to go back where they came from.

Anyhow, I’m relieved now, and I’m busting because half of my readers probably agree with me, too! At least the ones from LA, or anyone who once lived here. Pay attention to the road people! Don’t you want to make it to home sweet home safely and watch ‘American Horror Story: FREAKSHOW’ since it starts tonight? I cannot wait to get the shit scared out of me. Ryan Murphy said this is (probably) the most scariest episode since the pilot and the pilot was SCARY! Wir Sind Alle Freaks.

My oh my has the time flown by. Talk about being gone ’til September. Well, I am back! So much for waking me up when September ends. Wake me up now! Actually don’t. I’m living in a fantasy. I’m more alive than ever.
I am glad summer is coming to an end. Summer is overrated. In case you forgot, check out my “Summertime Sadness” post.
I love the fall & I’m not afraid to wear white after Labor Day. [I know I’ll still be fly.]

“The Cubicle Diaries” has officially launched and I heard it is causing quite a stir and this isn’t a pun for you coffee stirrers. LMAO. This is the real deal. And the best thing is, THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. All this hype is pushing me to follow up on my follow up. All of which I am working on because face it, the cooks in the kitchen never stop working.

Regardless of where time is going, it’s going and it ain’t stopping! If I wasn’t planning an escape to have some “me” time and promote my book then I would be party planning for my launch party, but I can’t put all my eggs in 1 basket; Rome wasn’t built in a day. I would know, I’ve been there. But as for right now, I’ll be in the East.