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LAGUNA_BEACH (89)

Once upon a time when I was young and naïve, Los Angeles was all I knew, and I once thought it was all I ever needed. Boy was I wrong. That has since all changed. For the most part, I am OVER Los Angeles; Los Angeles is not everything to me. There’s a whole other world out there and the grass is looking pretty green on that other side.

LA has changed. It’s getting crowed, too crowded, and crowded with IDIOTS! Everyone wants to come here because of the “weather” and yada, yada, yada. All these people say they move (here) for the beach, but how many times do they actually go to the beach? It’s even funnier when people say they’ll never leave California — especially because of the beach. OK! People here are just flat out too much. It’s amazing how high these people’s horses are, too. Who do they, and you, think they are!?! It gets annoying and old when there is always some dumbass crashing on the freeway(s) because they’re paying too close attention to their navi or texting and they end up fucking it up for everyone! The other day it took me 3 hours to get home, and I wasn’t even far from home. There was an accident and the stupid ass city was WHORE-able at working around it, both enforcement and drivers. I hope someone got fined for it. And don’t get me started how in a place where driving and cars are everything, the stupid ass city can’t even fix the roads we’re driving on! Pot-hole? It’s OK! Drive around it or use Google maps on your phone for another route, or how about look on your navi that’s taped to your windshield and cause another accident and fuck up everyone else’s rotation some more!

Speaking of driving in LA… It annoys the shit out of me when dumbasses are bumping their Bluetooth phone conversation with the windows down acting like people want to hear their stupid conservation! That’s what the government is there for –to listen to your conversation– not someone trying to get to their destination stuck in grid lock next to an idiot like you. People won’t talk and drive, but they’ll text and surf the internet and drive? OK! Newsflash! If no one likes your stupid ass food pictures you post to get a few seconds of fame, or the drink pictures you post –because apparently you’re the only one who drinks– or the selfies on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Kik and all those other stupid networks you’re trying to promote yourself on, then no one is going to want to hear your pathetic phone conversation! By the way, do tell me what has happened in between your last selfie, about an hour ago, and the one you just posted 10 minutes ago? Please share and at the end of it, hash tag ‘famewhore’ you famewhore. I swear I wish people would remember what it was like without a cell phone come flashback Friday or Throwback Thursday and all those stupid ass theme days like Man crush Monday, Woman crush Wednesday, Selfie Sunday —make it stop!!! Go for a walk — without posting the nine millionth sunset picture or checking in that you are on a hike at the trails! Better yet read a book, an actual book not an ebook and preferably mine, The Cubicle Diaries. Yes, this has turned into a tangent. For God’s sake, roll up the f’n window and turn the AC on! I swear! Common sense is not so common! And that’s sad, REAL SAD. People cannot even perform the standard nowadays. Apparently that is asking for too much, and no one can compliment anyone because then one is mistaken for hitting on the other!?!? Thank God I am an alien because (sometimes) people suck! I think people forgot that there’s a certain etiquette one should follow when being in public and being in private. But then again, how can you expect so much when you’re dealing with a whole bunch of idiots who can’t even wipe their notch right!

And since we’re on the topic of idiots and people who think they are someone… It REALLY makes me laugh when people are on cloud nine-TEEN because they got the new iPhone. Whoopdeefuckingdoo! Hhheeyyyy! You know what that means!?!? More selfies, more food pictures and more drink pictures because you have the best device in the whole world that can do all of that and then some! Everyone is analog while you are digital! YOU GO, GLEN COCOA!!! OH! Then you can whip out your phone to see if there are any new ‘likes’ from three minutes ago, when there weren’t any as it was, but more importantly you can show off you have the best phone in the world that is about to be considered outdated come six months by its successor of the same company! Go give them your finger print so you can hand over your soul already. Oh shoot! Then I have to remember that ‘likes’ are everything. ‘Likes’ determine how you look and feel about a person, and how popular you are. Don’t you know that ‘likes’ are all that matters now!? —Even to those who say and post about ‘likes’ not mattering and yada, yada, yada. GET A LIFE! I LOVE when idiots, you know who you are, have the attitude of, If you don’t ‘like’ my stuff, I’m not going to ‘like’ your stuff, AND if you don’t follow me, I won’t follow you — and that is just the tip of the ice berg. GET A FUCKING LIFE! What’s even more pathetic than that, and I don’t understand why people HAVE to do this, is when people go on vacation and do nothing but post, POST, P O S T!?! #OMFGG! Why even go on vacation!?! Go to the beach that’s just a drive away that you came for and never want to leave from! When I meant “get a life” that wasn’t so you could go somewhere else and “photoblog” about it, and in case you were wondering, just because you take and post a bunch of pointless pictures all day does not make you a photographer. Do not quit your day job! DO NOT! In fact, go and get another one in that field just to secure yourself. And since the iPhone is the best thing planet earth has ever seen, nothing else matters! I forgot to add that what makes the “new” iPhone even better is that it bends in your pocket! My God! Slice bread what!?! Mother fucker please! The next thing in your pocket should be my foot! Hopefully I’ll be wearing steel toes that day, too! Some, or most, of these people just need to go back where they came from.

Anyhow, I’m relieved now, and I’m busting because half of my readers probably agree with me, too! At least the ones from LA, or anyone who once lived here. Pay attention to the road people! Don’t you want to make it to home sweet home safely and watch ‘American Horror Story: FREAKSHOW’ since it starts tonight? I cannot wait to get the shit scared out of me. Ryan Murphy said this is (probably) the most scariest episode since the pilot and the pilot was SCARY! Wir Sind Alle Freaks.

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