Otter Holmes tackles intricate life of office work to be on top 

‘The Cubicle Diaries’ tells what happens when office workers get close to co-workers while trying to get on top of their game

LOS ANGELES – Derek Johnston starts his new career and tells himself he needs to step up his game and become a professional, especially if he wants to be taken seriously. That all changes when he learns his co-workers are not as “professional” as they all come off to be. In fact, before he realizes it, Derek learns that he and his co-workers share a few more things in common than just being under the same payroll.

“The Cubicle Diaries” (published by Xlibris), written by author Otter Holmes, revolves around the career of Derek as he gets his first “real” job in The Firm Firm. He has to be extremely professional but he also realizes there is a lot more to his co-workers than meets the eye. Slowly, he learns that everyone at his new job not only has a history with each other, but more so a double (personal) life that tends to bleed into their professional life. Derek is somehow always caught in the middle of it because he has become the “it” boy that everyone seems to have an interest in. Now, it is too late to stop what they all started. The fine line between professional and personal is violated on any and all levels. It is a dog eat dog world and everyone is starving for a position at the top that only seats one.

For Holmes, “The Cubicle Diaries” is extremely entertaining and easy to read. It is a story everyone can relate to. It is a lot of art imitating, life imitating art. Readers will find themselves, or will see their co-workers in the characters. There is back to back drama, he added. Soon everyone will know that there is definitely something in the coffee…

“The Cubicle Diaries”

By Otter Holmes

Hardcover | 6 x 9in | 154 pages | ISBN 9781499027006

Softcover | 6 x9in | 154 pages | ISBN 9781499027013

E-Book | 154 pages | ISBN 9781499026993

Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble

About the Author

Otter Holmes is a Los Angeles native.

In case you were wondering,,, THIS IS MY PRESS RELEASE!

Everyone’s favourite “shit” girl returns with a vengeance.
[and someone else’s baby]

Some is acting like a diva, and that someone uses the men’s room and pees sitting down.

The platypus is in one of her moods –again.

Social services were called on la llorona –again.

El gaupo is accused of stealing from the cookie jar at his job, but in reality it is really the nun and the madame.

The hoarder dumped out the trash and opened the window.
[Something must be wrong… or right?]

The godfather is being sued by an ex-assistant of hers for abuse.
[Soon it will be a class action]

The American is getting rid of her accent.
[and now she won’t shut up]

The doctor finally took his meds.
[chewables, that is]

And the gardener finally watered his grass –if you know what I mean. The saying is true, the grass IS always greener on the other side.
[fuck the draught]

I don’t know what it is, the stars must be aligning, there must be something in the water of the beaches I’ve been frequenting, but what I do know is “There’s Something in the Coffee!”

“The Cubicle Diaries: There’s Something in the Coffee” is officially alive, IT’S ALIVE! Can I get a “finally”!?!?

[#FINALLY!]

[OMFGG]

Through all the drama, hassle, hustle, isolation, determination, sacrifices and so on I can FINALLY have something to show for. I can officially call myself a “writer.” Yes, I am a writer, but now I have a piece to actually show for. It’s there in black and white –with lots of color. Plus, the best thing is there are 2 more books to follow. What started off as 1 book turned into 3. Yeah, the story gets that complicated, and it’s not one of those trilogies where the 1st book is good and the rest suck. This story gets better and better.

[Double OMFGG]

My first writing project is an actual series, and might I say a damn good series, too. “The Cubicle Diaries” series isn’t just another series out there. It’s original, dark, addicting, it pushes the limits there are between being personal and professional; it’s the definition of not being able to stop what has started, and taking things for what they are worth and running with it. I like TCD because it has a little bit of everything, but a lot of drama, sex, scandal, love, hate, the work life –all those things we hate loving and love hating. With storylines that seem damn near over the top and sometimes scary, TCD delivers. It will definitely make the reader wonder, “Things like this really happened during work hours?” But I have a little bummer for you, a writer never tells 😉

James Franco and Lauren Conrad better watch it. Oh yeah, and what’s her name, E.L. James. Available now at: Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and xlibris.com. Oh yeah, it’s the one with the black rose. I loved writing every moment of it, and there was a lot of writing moments. There was never a time where I wrote when I was bored. Hopefully the passion is visible, and this isn’t just for the 1st volume, it’s for the entire series.

I’m in a time where I don’t want it to end. Something I have worked soooo hard for can finally see the light of day. The day seems eternal, like the Summer Solstice, and I am fine with it. When I really think about it, I’m like, Wow, I am in for one wild ride and I don’t think my lap bar is securely locked :O

May: the year is still young. The weather is warm, and we still have a whole other half to discover. We’ll see how interesting it gets…

I’ve been doing a lot lately, a lot of everything. A lot of thinking, a lot of eating, like a SFB, and a lot of photographing.

Photography has always been a hobby of mine & since I’ve had a little more than usual time on my hands, I decided to put that bad boy of a camera to use & make some rounds around Los Angeles. I guess you can say I’m initiating an “LA Project II,” but it’s not on the front burner so don’t get it twisted because something else has my undivided attention.

Photography was pushed aside for something of a little more importance: “TCD,” which is soon going to make its debut!

But back to pictures. They say a picture is worth a thousand words & let’s just say that some of the ones in my personal inventory are valued @ 1 word, 3 syllables: O.M.G. But let’s not go there to those, those pictures are saved on a break-in-case-of-emergency basis. We’ll keep those ones saved in the vault in case a few chicken heads step out of line — if you know what I mean.

With the second half of the year approaching, anything can happen. They say when one door closes, another one opens, but sometimes, when that door closes, we should lock it; otherwise, we’re gonna find ourselves running in the same circles, chasing our own tail like a dumbass dog, getting nothing done, wondering and doing nothing but trying to figure out where time has gone, all because you, not me, have nothing to show for but wrinkles & a beer belly. But you sure loved kicking it with the homies posting shit on Instagram post after post after post after post after– to over rate your life, hoping to give people more than 1000 words to gossip & talk [shit] about.

Yes, haters gonna hate…

In case you, yes you, were wondering, some of us have standards, and although not having any shame can seem cool and funny sometimes, for the most part, not having any shame is nothing to be proud of.

Back to the unknown. Anything is passible because nothing is impossible. It all makes me wonder where I will be. I am sensing a change soon. Something I have been kind of looking into for a while, but now I am ready to make it happen, but it’s all still up in the air so we’ll see what the stars have to say about that. Sometimes what we don’t know is what’s best for us, but we always want some type of clue or hint as to what the future has in-store for us. Is it me or is there just no winning!

Back to LA. It’s funny how we live somewhere, but never really see or experience what our surroundings have to offer. People are so sheltered in their fabulous, overrated lives-thank God for social media! & yes, I abuse it like everyone, too, but only to an extent. I’m not one of those who actually do it for attention- that they become oblivious to things. Add that to the list of things you take for granted, besides me. Here I go, didn’t I say I’ve done a lot of thinking!?! See what you started?

[Enough about Eve!]

So, since the year is still young & for those who have not paid a visit to the tarot card reader -only because you are afraid of the real truth & you’d rather chase your tail, or someone else’s —-hhhheeeeyyy! A little fun won’t hurt,,, follow your instinct, do something different, go somewhere new & local & no, you idiot, I don’t mean loco!

William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 73

That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bared ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou seest the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death’s second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou seest the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourished by.
This thou perceiv’st which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

TRANSLATION:

The time of year you see in me is autumn,
When yellow leaves hang, or not at all,
Upon the branches that shake in the cold,
Empty church rooms where the birds no longer sing,
In me you see the sun setting every day and after the sun is gone into the west,
The black night takes me away,
Sleep takes care of the rest,
In me you see a barely lit glowing fire ready to collapse,
You see me getting old and ready to go,
And because of that you only love me more.

IMITATION: Packaged Deal

The time of year you only love me is in autumn
When the beach parties are no more and hot soup is essential
Even naked trees shiver with your coldness
The last place you want to be at is home, with me, sober
You hate the fact that the sun sets early so you can’t hang out at the dunes, and after you realize how fucked up you been
Suddenly I’m your love slave, again
Booze and cigarettes take care of the rest
Only once in a while will you actually look in at me and see the love we once shared
I see you looking through your photos and at the calendar
And it breaks me to know that I am so weak I am willing to let it all go

They say “April showers bring May flowers…” How about a dozen of black roses fresh off the root?!

And speaking of black roses, “The Cubicle Diaries” is #FINALLY getting edited, and by a professional, too! Waiting around for people and their “connections” got me nowhere, but that was totally to my advantage because it gave me additional time spice it up, again. For the record, I don’t wait around –for anyone. I’ve wasted tooooooo much time [in general and on pathetics]. I’m so excited! I am finally moving forward on publishing my book, the first one. Everyone always talks about writing a book, but no one [around me] actually does, and I wanted to make sure I was the first one to do it, especially with the stories I have to tell. I can finally call myself a “writer.”

And speaking of that, I am reminded and cannot believe how many people are so full of shit and all talk. It’s actually sad, even over the small things that people don’t think matter because they do. We all have dreams, and we all want them to come true, but there are so many people out there, and around me, sadly, that will not do anything about making shit happen. I’m a dweller and a day dreamer, yes, but I am also a realist, and I do not let my oppressions get in the way. Actually, I use them as a foundation so I don’t have to live like the “Average Joe” and be content on living check to check. Why be normal? Some people are simply sad, and those are the people go getters DO NOT want to be around. They think life is what it is, and they’re just willing to settle at that. And when one gets their self in a predicament they cannot get out of they end up regretting that, too, and just settle and give up and watch their dreams dissolve. It’s good to live in the moment, but it is also good to think about the future and make something of yourself. Why even waste your time dreaming!? You might as well go and watch reality TV. I’m sorry, you still think its “real.” Quit being lazy and do something with yourself! Make a fucking change, and I am not referring to your skid-marked underwear! It’s like the rhino who sits there calling their fatass fat and complains about being fat and does nothing about it. Why even waste your hot breath!?!? We know you like being fat. All we have to do is glance at you. Or like the brokeass always complaining about being broke. Either get a new job, or cut the crack! Go get a happy meal because you be looking a little sad! And while you’re at it get it from Subway and hold the mayo! That’s why only certain people “make it” because they are the real go getters. Yes, at times sexual favors advances us, but still, those one percent never gave up.

[Not everyone is a hustler like you, Otter, and want the finer things in life]

Well excuse the fuck out of me! I ain’t downgrading for anyone! Not even myself! Stay true to yourself.

And speaking of that, I’ve become a little baffled lately. Some people are REALLY beginning to take my kindness for granted. Maybe I need to send out updates on what made people so scared of me in the first place. Machiavelli said, “It is better to be feared than loved,” and yes, there is a time when people should “grow up,” but how can one grow up when everyone around them is acting so childish and petty!? People are weird, and when they’re not being weird, they’re trying to be sneaky yet some people don’t realize how transparent they really are. Excuse me while I put my stunner shades on in the dark. And let’s not forget about the people who think their shit don’t stink! Maybe they should spend a little more time in the bathroom and look a little harder at their self in the mirror instead of bombing up that toilet from all the fast food they just had.

[Where do you get this all from, Otter?!]

And to my loyal readers, thank you, because I know once you saw this blog in light of my absence, you thought, “& speaking of,,,”

Summertime Sadness, Wintertime Madness
Boo fucking whooo

I wish people would get over the fact that it is not summer. People look so sad when all they do is sit there and reminisce what life was like “in the summer.” Are people not aware there are three other seasons on the calendar? For the most part all the really exciting and memorable stuff happens in those other seasons people love to neglect. So what if the weather is warmer —hello! We live in SoCal. Yes, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” but it’s always fucking warm here in Los Angeles! It was hot as hell today, and it’s supposed to be winter!

There are other seasons in case you forgot: rain, snow, wind. A couple making out is not as hot in the sun as they are in the pouring rain. Spending time with someone who matters is fun and may not be as much “thrilling” as it is sitting poolside with just a fuck, but the snow is nothing to mess with when you’re with a loved one. Put an umbrella, rain boots and the heater to use. It baffles me when people say, “I hate the rain because it’s so depressing.” You’re fucking depressing! Trying something new you cliché!

People, you can still get drunk, high and fucked on ANY other day on the calendar not just in the summer. You can still see fireworks on more than one day than July 4th. You can still drive like a maniac and bump your music. Yes in the rain, too, because now no one seems to care. Someone is always crashing on the 10 for us W.LAians. You can still wear some rockin’ clothes. We allllll know you’re waiting to post pictures on your social media to fabricate and overrate your life and remark how you have been friends with such and such for so many years and yadayadayada. And let’s not forget the pictures everyone loves to take with drinks in their hands! Maybe you should go stock up on those red Solo cups from CVS because there might be a surplus going on because it’s winter. Aw, major sad face. Have an indoor party! People, have a real intimate exchange with those creatures called “humans.” Everyone bites!

I’m sorry. I forgot people only like to do things over the internet and not in person. Scratch that.

For the most part summer is overrated. It’s hot and you can’t do anything in the heat. Personally, I’d rather be cold than hot because you can make yourself warm. You cannot make yourself cool. You have to go somewhere cool to be content and good luck finding that when everyone else is looking for it, too. At least people stay home in the cold. LMFAO. Otherwise, in the heat you just want to jump out of your own body. And for those SFBs out there, OMFGG! :O LMFAO. You know who you are.

And when the summer comes are you going to get your insecure self in a bathing suit, show off some skin and go to the beach to show off that hot body that you worked those other three seasons on?

No, you are going to sit there and wish it was another time of the year just so you can have something to tweet about and buy yourself more time you are going to do nothing with. And how many times did you go to the beach or pool in the season you put a pedestal on? Let me guess, you go to a tanning salon to get a tan!? With all this rave about summertime, do you even do anything remarkable during those three months like travel or make a major accomplishment besides find a summer fling that will eventually leave you to go back to their ex FOR THE WINTER?

All this talk about summertime sadness is annoying and causing me winter madness. Watch when the summer comes, I am going to be the only one rooting for the winter! This isn’t even a holiday madness because that is a whole other story. Take your summertime sadness and shove it where the sun does not shine and make sure you put extra sunblock on.

As I do an extensive paper on “Enobarbus,” I cannot help but think how many “Enobarbuses” there are in my life, or should I say WAS? Without having to think, hard, about ten names pop into mind and that’s only in one of them!

Sad.

[Time to dump out the trash, honey!]

[Looks like spring cleaning is coming sooner than expected, Otter, just like you predicted]

Who is the real Enobarbus, and will he please stand up. While reading Antony and Cleopatra, I was so fascinated by Enobarbus’ character: the insider, the right hand man who jumps ship at the right time, or should I say “wrong” time? Someone who is going to “ride or die” with you until the end, and when shit hits the fan he is the one pulling the rug from under your feet. Is Enobarbus just like the others and just another foe, or is he an actual friend?

It is strange how these characters have crossed over as everyday people in our life. It is strange how these characters still have a tight grasp on us [in society] hundreds of years later! We all have our “Mark Antony” [some more than others], we all have our “Cleopatra” [more than you think], we all have a number of “Charmians,” and like fools we all think and lie to ourselves that we have our own “Enobarbus” no one can take from us, on lock. Enobarbus is probably the most type of character from the Roman masterpiece we see out there and encounter with the most. Shakespeare taught us two important things: do not trust anyone, and sometimes the one we are less likely to trust is the one we can confide in – “Caesar.”

Silly me I have slipped through the cracks on too many occasions, but now I am switching to hardwood floors so when shit really gets tough everyone is crashing down not just me. Go take your rug and shake it off. Never under estimate the power of fiction. Haven’t you ever heard of life imitating art, art imitating life!?

[Wow that was intense, Otter]

Writing on Enobarbus was a lot of fun. Enobarbus doesn’t have much face time in the play, but his action(s) are almost equivalent to the others if not then some! Fuck being a scene stealer, Enobarbus is an act stealer. In a story where everyone is betraying everyone [so juicy, and right up my alley], Enobarbus goes on to show you that after a while we all breakdown and cross over. It is like he is listening to “Disturbia” as he has those moments to himself, after making those decisions of actions needed, pretending like everything was all gravy, and even when he jumped shipped. Like most of the fools out there who act before they think, Enobarbus regrets everything he did and goes running back to his master asking for forgiveness, but it is all too late. The “loyal” one… I’ll show you loyalty.

Change: The content hate it and the weak love it.

The ones who are content with themselves think, why rattle the cage? And the lost and lonely are constantly looking for it hoping that they find themselves and their place in the world.

Change is the one thing that is constantly happening: people change, trends change, attitudes change, insights change, currency changes, even our vision changes. We cannot control change and when we can we want to change things right back to the way they were before. What’s of the past is what’s done so get over it.

So many are scared of the unknown, scared of what is really out there, fearful of what lies ahead. Everyone has their cross to bear, some are made of lead, but after everything is said and done we tend to be thankful for change and wish we would have changed a long time ago especially when change has to do with getting out of a bad relationship or place of employment. They say only the strong survive and that is because the strong are able to adapt to change. We waste so much time and energy pouting about new in our life, why not take it and run with it? It’s sad that some are only able to adapt to change because they are forced to.

When we’ve realized the people close to us have changed, especially for all the wrong reasons, we are sure to call them out for it, but we forget to look at ourselves and how we’ve changed. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Be careful of your words because what goes around comes around and we get so caught up in that thing called “life,” whether we think we have one or not, that we don’t realize we ourselves have turned into the one things we said we were never going to be.

Once change is coming into play, there’s no stopping it. So take the blinder off, clean the boogers out of your eyes and look a little harder because change is out there and it is coming.

Valentine’s Day: the day of love. The day intended for nothing but red, white, and pink.

I’m not going to be a love hater and hop on the band wagon by saying “fuck love,” but what exactly is love? Do the people who say “I love you” all the time even know what love really is? Who do people love more: their self or their recipient?

After it’s too late we find ourselves so wrapped up in our own little fantasies we end up loving strangers we don’t even know, only to fill that one void that matters the most on the day it is supposed to matter the most.

Valentine’s Day has a lot of effects. It makes people reminisce on their previous “loves.” People get sad staring at the big bouquets of flowers, edible arrangements, and oversized Teddy Bears being delivered, not to them. Valentine’s Day makes some people stop and realize they have no one to love; it makes them more depressed than they already are in their sad little life. Some people will say it’s just another holiday to spend money on. Most people don’t know this but February 13th is the real day of love: National Mistress Day. February 13th is the real day people, especially those who are cheaters, spend it with their loved ones, sneaking around betraying their “loved” ones that they apparently love throughout the year and in their broken life.

Cheaters. Liars. Broken hearts. Empty hearts. Past loves. Regret. Fake love. Is that what Valentine’s Day is really about? The one day of the year where you don’t feel loved on the day of love? What a holiday! Look at how many groups of friends get together to blow off “love,” and no one seems to make it a secret either. Shouldn’t we tell the ones we love we love them every day versus only once on one specific day? Does affection run off of a calendar and schedule?

Valentine’s Day can also be the best time of the year to stand someone up, dump them, and show them how you really feel. There’s real emotion for you. I cannot wait until someone drops the bomb that they’re expecting to have a baby in November. There’s nothing a little hush money can’t do.

For the most part, all Valentine’s Day really is is a big red arrow facing the opposite direction you are facing. With nearly four million people in Los Angeles some can’t even find one. So go to the store on February 15th and buy as much Valentine candy you can priced at 70% off and eat your empty little heart out, my funny little Valentine.