An American in Asia Part II


Call me crazy, call me absurd, call me Over.The.Top for crying out loud, but I love the fact that I can say whatever I want when I want how I want and not have to worry about offending people around me. And no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I have never been shy to give my take on things, or the fact that they [the locals] cannot understand me! LMFAO!

No one knows what I say. I feel like I’m a character, or star, lol, of a TV show that breaks the fourth wall. There’s just so much honesty out there, and you don’t have to worry about someone thinking you’re a racist for making any little comment. Ay, Americans! Or rather, wannabe Americans. What would my show be called…?

[Here we go again]

LOL. This trip was meant to be an alternate to reality and it has become more like a fantasy.


I should name this part of my life, “Made in China” because apparently everything is “Made in China!” As a person, despite the fact that on occasion I can feel alienish, I am growing and “being made” in China. And speaking of being made in China, “The Cubicle Diaries: Friends Close, Co-Workers Closer” is fully sculpted. Might I say, OMFGG! I cannot wait to share it. I am going to share an entire blog on that, and for the anniversary my launch party, I’m going to do something very special. I can’t wait. Wow, I have devoted so much time to Volume II. I’m in love with it. I swear, on occasion, certain quotes the characters say will pop into my head, and then I think, to think, I created that. It’s great. Anyhow, back to the American in Asia…

Going back to talking to yourself out loud, I’ve never seen anything wrong with it. They say we’re our own best friend, and that we should know ourselves, so what’s wrong with talking to yourself? I actually see myself as a good conversationalist.



They say when you start arguing with yourself then it’s a problem. I refuse to continue from here on about the matter, because some might try and put me on a 5150 hold.

Apparently water is the solution to everything here, especially hot water. No pun intended.

You have a stomach ache? Have some water.

You have leg cramps? Have some warm water.

You’re having a heart attack from all the oil we use? Let me get the boiling water!

BUT! I like it. I think the most challenging change for some [to overcome] is the emotional one: being so far from what we think we know, not knowing the language or how to communicate, the feeling of having to start over, the fear of anything could go wrong; vulnerability. We should only think about all the good things out of this all: reinforcing yourself, facing any fears you have, learning what we don’t know so we don’t look so damn naïve! There’s so much good out of it all. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. And to be honest, some of the people we surround ourselves by can be seen as complete strangers sometimes, so really, what makes them so different from the locals here. And I can say, the locals here can be A LOT nicer than the locals where we’re all from. They’re friendly. Well, maybe I’ve just been fortunate to have good experiences here. You get what you give. You have to want to be here. You have to be inviting. You have to be happy, especially with yourself, and if you’re not, hopefully one can find it here, in the unfamiliar, or wherever your foreign place is.

[Enough about the emo shit]

It’s tripped me out a few times. When I overhear a local’s convo, just like they overhear mine and have no idea what the hell I’m saying, I can swear on occasion that they’ll say a random sentence clearly in English. I turn around and am like, what!?! The other day I heard, “what community college did you go to?” I was like, what the fuck!? They weren’t talking to me, they were talking to their Chinese friend. And then I swore I thought I heard, “Is this your sperm?” I was like, what the fuck is going on here!? Only in China! Some random shit happens here.

They don’t have cash registers, they have cash boxes. They’re either in the form of an old beaten up knock off shoe box, a bucket, or a somewhat decent lock box or a pouch! Right there, all their money. One big wad. That shows how safe it can be here. But! Don’t get it twisted, every town has its crime. And, every setting has its scandal, and yes! Even in the workplace, BUT don’t get it twisted, there will not be a “The Cubicle Diaries 2.0.”

So, I’ve seen some crazy stuff happen over here, pretty out there stuff, but one of the most interesting, and comedic, things I’ve saw thus far was when I was on my way to work. I was walking happily, listening to Fleetwood Mac, and I was appalled at what I saw on the floor. I was like, fffuuuuckkkkk! So, China has their one-child per family law, but you get away with it if you have money in the bank. This just shows you how serious people take that law. I saw on the floor 6 morning after pill boxes. On the floor, out in the open. Someone’s trash got knocked out, and there they were, all the empty boxes, all over the floor. I laughed my ass off. I was like, damn! They get it on and follow the rules! Hhheeyyyy! I guess they also like the natural feeling! It was high-larious. Some simply don’t believe in condoms, but they believe in birth controlling! Which is good. If only so many people were smarter thinkers, then we wouldn’t have so many bastard children that turn into idiots or criminals.

Over here everyone seems to be living so freely. The government may control everything, even the heat, but in the midst of it all everyone is doing whatever in the hell they want to. It’s cool. And it’s still controlled in a big city. As I walk the streets, I’ll stumble across a hustler, or hustling family, with some knock offs. I’m like, oh, this is where they get them from! They look real. The men don’t have regular bi-fold wallets like they do in most parts of the world, they have the long wallets that women tend to have. They also have man-purses, like everyone in Europe and England. The US is so behind the times. I tried McDonald’s the other day —just to see how it compared to a McDonald’s in America. Instead of having vanilla as their soft serve ice cream, they had green tea ice cream. I was like no f’n way! I should’ve got a chocolate dipped green tea ice cream. Anyhow, the McDonald’s is just as good. They’re tight, they don’t give soda refills anywhere! The air quality may be poor, but I can breathe friendly.

Oh China, I love you, what will I discover of you next?


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