Be Careful What You Wish For

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I know, I’ve been absent, and I know you’ve missed me. Yes, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder, but damn, a man has needs!

[And so do your readers!]

And so do my readers so the more important thing is: I am back! Back like the McRib, again.

Why even take it off the menu!?

[You should be thinking more of fish than the pig!]

Some of you have been wondering: Where is he? What is he doing? Who is he doing? He gives us this twisting tale, makes us bust, and then vanishes!

[So typical of you, Otter! You always leaving them wanting more, don’t you!?]

Damn straight, mother fuckers!

But don’t get it twisted, and no, I have not been playing hooky like you think. I am not you, sneaky! I’ve been doing me. LOL.

LOL, again.

[Fucken pig!]

I’ve been staying true to myself, trying not to break my New Year’s Resolution like most of you already have. Or did you just give up on not making them up altogether? I’ve been hustling it like I said I would be. 50 Cent better watch it! I will show him wanksta. I’ve been so busy I have not even clipped my toe nails. I was like, WTF is that smell!? And that’s when I knew I had to come up for air.

The truth is I am exhausted! I’m hoping I don’t get admitted to the ER for exhaustion!

[Kick it Lindsay!]

But I wanted to hustle, and hustle is what I got and hustle is what I am doing.

[Be careful what you wish for]

Indeed!

So much has occurred in this whirlwind of hustle; there’s been some rearranging. The Platypus was fired! Donald Trump status. I swear, I had nothing to do with it, but I cannot say I was sad to see that brod go. Every dog, or platypus, has his day!

Not so badass anyone, are we, Platy!?

Machiavelli said, “It’s better to be feared than loved.” Looks like The Platypus will be the one fearing from now on, fearing how to pay the rent! Poor her, she wasn’t feared or loved. So sad,,, You should have swallowed your pride when you had the chance to, Platy, instead of swallowing that barbacoa foot long from Subway you were fooling yourself on thinking you were eating healthy.

Fatty Platy! Aw, Platy is maddy. Boo-fucken-hoo! It’s one of those “Sorry, not sorry” types of deals.

I cannot stand when people act like a badass and when someone retaliates on them they go running scared! If you start like a badass, you better finish like a badass! There is no crying in baseball, and don’t go trying to act like a hero and save the day either switching it all up! We have enough of those. Go do something with yourself, go be a villain or something. Make yourself interesting.

Speaking of the devil, we need a story where the villain wins. Why do the good guys always win!? So cliché!

And speaking of speaking of the devil, bad-asses, our dear friend, Machiavelli, and a big bad wolf whose own house was huffed and puffed away, Hampton is on a high horse. He’s under the impression he is an overnight celebrity. I was like fool, don’t forget who made you! Hampton is BEGGING me to somehow write him into “The Cubicle Diaries!” The nerve of that fame whore! I’m like fool, kick it! I’m not planning a spin-off just jet, but I’ll have you in mind. Dealing with him after that was “The Silent Treatment” all over again! I wonder where he gets it from!?

And speaking of a devil,,, -“The Cubicle Diaries”

#OMFGG! I can breathe! I #FINALLY finished “There’s Something In the Coffee!” I was in full cracked out mode at the end of editing. I want it to come to life already! Any chance I got to (possibly) work on the book, I did. It and I was becoming a bit too extreme, but when you want something, and if you really, REALLY want it you will do anything. And for the record, I REALLY want this. I’ve never wanted something so bad. OK, I’m lying, but this is up there, this is @ the top of that list! You know, “That list!” Please tell me you have a “That List!?”

[A bucket list!?]

Jes, that list!

I was reading “There’s Something In The Coffee” and I was like, Wow! This is really scandalous and the best part is: THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING! I told myself I was going to stop giving people the sneak-peek they were itching for and make them all wait until it is ready as a whole to come off the conveyor belt. I am currently finalizing the book’s art cover and then comes the business side to it all.

[Listen to you, Otter]

And as for speaking of, no crying in baseball, Ms. Puff better watch it because she is up next to bat.

So be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.

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