No News Is Good News

L.A. NEST

We all know what it means and if you don’t, Google it. In fact, Google me. ‘No news is good news’ can mean so many things. For starters, when we visit the clinic and hope we don’t get a call back, that’s one. [I can #FINALLY stop looking at my phone!] And next is when we know we had a drunken, over the top night and know we got out of control because we blacked out, we are just waiting for that burnout to post or comment about it and put us on blast, but in the meantime, no news is good news.

At times it is hard having to accept the facts of life and face the music face to face, but even more so about our ‘no news is good news’ motto, when that bad habit of and in our life has not called to ruin it, we are then thanking the Lord no news is good news. The farther some keep away, the better. There’s those people who are just bad news and should stay in the crawl space they came from. People are so duplicitous and ultimately, everyone has an ulterior motive up their sleeve even if they are wearing a short sleeved shirt. Hell, they can be wearing a tank top for all that matters. They say keep your friends close and your enemies closer, but a better and safer alternative might be to consider becoming a hermit.

But what if we want to hear this news, you say? What if we wanna be all up in the mix and in the know and be updated on who is doing what, and most of all who is doing who?

Then go to Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and Yelp and Vine and Tublr [—make it stop!] and look at all the ways people are overrating their sad little lives. Go like people’s postings just so they can like your postings right back and after they did, unlike it. Go be fake because being fake is of the norm. Just like orange being the new black! [D’Saundra. GOD have mercy on that soul. That poor lost soul] and that is when I get a kick out of how many people say they wanna be left alone. We all hate when people are all up in our business when the shoe is on the other foot. NEWSFLASH: Stop putting stuff on the internet for crying out loud. You take the good with the bad. Why don’t you post when you are sad and broken down then people can say they really know you!

Stop posting your Instavideos like people care what you did all year! Like we didn’t see it the first time you were overrating yourself. The question is, besides everyone, exactly who are you trying to make jealous? I know who you are annoying [me] and I know who you are making a fool of [you] so what is the point of doing it all over again. Is this a cry for help? As you can hopefully see, I am not a fan of reruns only ‘I Love Lucy’ ones. AND just to let you know, the only videos people care about are the ones we make that we are not entirely proud of, yet still make them. It’s amazing how far a camera phone can go now. And after that ‘play’ button is pushed, your fifteen minutes of fame begin ticking so hopefully your partner was a minute man so the spotlight can shine on you some more you little fame whore.

On the contrary, thank God for social media because it gives weak people confidence and lets them think people actually care about them. [Um, you are just as weak. No matter how much shit you talk about them, you are just like them!]

FYI, no one cares and in reality, you look dumb overrating your life and when will you realize it is not attractive posting things back to back to back to back? Did you not notice people lost interest after the eighth post you put up today? Not unless you are Gossip Girl or James Franco, no one will care. Even SVDW had her days. Are you even human or just some overgrown catfish flopping its tail on the floor in front of the computer, or should I say the more relevant now, a tablet. I’m sorry, mini iPad!? Do something productive besides posing with drinks in your hands! For all we know its water and not vodka. For all we know it’s not even your drink! You are so sad you should get a happy meal, from Subway.

And that is why I say, no news is good news. Mr. Cynical meet Mr. Know-it-all. Maybe your New Year’s Resolution should be having more human-to-human interaction than avatar-to-avatar interaction? You might cum a little better. Paper may be on a descend, but it is still relevant and you are only someone when you are written about in the papers. Anyone can write on the internet. And no, this song was not written about you. Like me, hate me, but deep down you know you are intrigued. And if you forgot what ‘intrigued’ means, get a dictionary.

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