Rotten to the Core

randy

Apple has been the unfruit of my life! I bought my iPod not even a year ago & it is already trippin’! If it’s going to happen, thank God it happened before the manufacturer’s warranty ran out! I take my broken iPod to Apple & it turns out all that’s wrong with it is a software issue –that I could’ve did at home on my own. I am definitely not a ‘genius.’ Because I have allll the time in the world to spare! Like I’m not busy saving bastard children from trees in the Midwestern winter!?! Waste of time #1. & no, that’s not hashtag one, it is ‘number 1!’

I get back to the loft, because I’m not at the penthouse anymore, this isn’t LA. For the record, I love my loft! I get back to the loft to update my cleansed iPod with all my music to contribute to the loss of my hearing & what happens when I plug it in? NOTHING! It couldn’t be detected!?! Then, like most technological unreliable items, it did whatever it wanted to & went into DOS mode. Had I been a millennial, I wouldn’t even know what DOS is! It was like the first iPod ever made once they fell off the tree & onto the market, except those played music. There it stood, frozen, doing nothing like a city worker. The only time it did something was when it turned off from dying. It was sure putting up a fight.

So, I call good old Apple back & make another appointment with Granny Smith to see a highly qualified technician, I mean ‘genius.’ Pardon, I didn’t mean to disrespect. Only to tell me something I didn’t want to hear. ‘You need another appointment & have to drop everything to go back to the circus they call, ‘The Apple Store.’

I go back, again, & this time luck strikes me & they breakdown & give me a replacement! OMFGG! I am soooo blessed! I didn’t have time to go out of my way to update the bitch again, because I am still rock starring,,, Stevie was in town & I was late for lunch. I then somehow, somehow find time to update the bitch a few days later. I was tired of walking around with my laptop bumping it, like those idiots that swear everyone wants to hear their music in public. I missed my iPod! I didn’t, at the time, go broke for nothing! I used it twice. & to top it off, I didn’t even have all my music stored to it. Damn pirate! :O I go to put it on for a 3rd time, because after all, the third time is a charm, right? & I realize there’s a fuckin’ dent on the back of it! I was like, WTFQ!?! FML!!! I thought these pieces of shit were made of metal!?! I then call Apple, again, & opt to make another damn appointment! They gave me an apple that was rotting! By now they’re on my call history favourites list because I call them so much! This is assurance people still use their phones to talk even if it’s to call to companies & complain! By now, I’m trying really hard not to act like a diva & go cray cray on a mother,,, & by now I’m exhausted & pissed. I kind of wanted to just laugh. As if I had nothing better to do than bleach my hair, I invested more time in this predicament than I should have. As it is I’m pressed for time! This time I had to cancel dinner with Jessica Lange & Emma Roberts!!

By the time my appointment came I was exhausted, literally. I couldn’t go on anymore. Emma was on my case. She acted worse than ‘Madison Montgomery’ & ‘Chanel Oberlin’ combined! Yikes! The bitch really wanted to kick it,,, I have missed her. I was also tired & annoyed & it just so happened ‘Riverdale’ was premiering that night, so I was in an awkward position, not like the one I am used to. I chose ‘Riverdale.’ Apple can wait! Fuckers. This ‘new’ iPod has a new warranty. This apple was rotten to the core. This apple fell too far from the tree. This apple is thisclose to becoming apple sauce. & speaking of ‘Riverdale,’ my new favourite guilty pleasure, one of them,,, 😉 The CW has drawn me back to it. Had I not cancelled on Jessica & Emma, & had I gone to the circus, I would’ve never, possibly, rekindled an old flame. Maybe getting back in touch with The CW has to do with the fact that I finally took a step & made a BIG commitment by getting cable [gasp!] & yes, the internet! :O That is a HUGE deal for me. Could I be settling down?!? Don’t get it twisted though, the cable is basic, unlike yours truly. I still spend like a college student! I was BUSTING @ ‘Jane the Virgin.’ I can’t believe ‘Supernatural’ is STILL on the air! I remember the producer said it was only going to last 5 seasons & it’s nearly gone 3 times that. That ‘Supergirl’ though,,, yummy! Is it me or is she Blake Lively’s doppelganger?!? There’s no one like ‘SVW.’ Sadly, the days of ‘One Tree Hill,’ ‘90210,’ & ‘Gossip Girl’ are long gone & over. Thank God for syndication & DVDs though! LOL. Speaking of syndication, I forgot how FUNNY ‘Roseanne’ & ‘Married with Children’ are! What’s a little ironic is that they both take place in Illinois. But with all that said, I need to call Apple & make my next appointment. Imagine if I had more Apple products?!? Let’s not & say I did. On the contrary though, a piece of me, the small unmaterialistic side –yes, there is a small side to me in that aspect, wants to say, fuck it, I’ll keep the flawed iPod. After all, some of the best & beautiful things in life are flawed 😉

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