I was walking in Target one day, passing the book section, when I turned around & this book caught my Bette Davis eye. There it was, standing out, calling me. I approached it, inspected it; looked a little more into it. The book had been popular on the internet. & you know what I say about the internet!?! If it’s on the internet, it’s true! I did not put the book in my reusable tote– go green! No. I signed onto lapl.org, looked to see if the library carries it, which it does, & then queued it to borrow. Yes, I utilize the library to the max. I cannot wait for Central Library to reopen! I so do not miss the bums though.

I received the book, quickly, & got into it. No, Clown in a Cornfield isn’t a piece I read over the course of a few days. I’m into it, not that into it. It’s not The Cubicle Diaries, any of them. I took my time. When I read, I like taking it all in. I don’t speed through. The story takes place in none other than the Midwest. Kettle Springs, Missouri. I know Missouri, & misery, not too much of Kettle Springs. Farmland. Hence, the word ‘cornfield’ in the title…  Pretty sure it’s a fictional town. The Maybrooks, Dr. Glenn and his daughter, Quinn, move from Philadelphia to Kettle Springs for a “fresh start.” The town is rundown, a little, abandoned, kind of, dated, ailing, and Republican. Quite different, & slower, from life on the east coast for them. It’s takes some adjusting to. Where’s the Mrs., you ask? She’s dead. She had a drug problem, & their wounds are still kind of healing, hence the “fresh start.”

The town resolves around, for the most part, an old corn syrup factory, Baypen, that is now abandoned. Baypen was the city, it’s founder. The locals hope they can get it up & running again, but that comes to a halt when it “mysteriously” burns down. As if things aren’t tragic enough for them. The person “at-fault?” The “it”-bad boy-larger than life, Cole Hill, though he is never officially charged. Cole is the cat’s meow throughout the story. Meow. I guess everything resolves around Frendo, too. LMAO. Frendo the Clown. Though Frendo is not actually your friend. From Quinn’s bedroom window, blindless, curtainless, through the massive cornfield she lives by, she can see the town’s mascot/ icon, Frendo the clown, painted on one of Baypen’s deteriorating walls. She swears he stares her down and is watching her.

The major event, one of two, is Founder’s Day, the celebration of the town. The other is a forbidden, hidden party the local teenagers throw, of course, in the middle of a cornfield. Frendo is EVERYWHERE at both places. Everything backfires for everyone. I’m not here to give a plot summary or some book report, but I do want to give a good rundown of what the story tells. You’ll have to borrow the book from the library yourself for all the specific deets. Yes, I’ve already returned my copy, so you should be able to get it.

A killer dressed as Frendo the clown becomes at large. Killer clown, go figure. Frendo’s killings were written good. Descriptive. I enjoy the way Frendo off’d Harlan Jaffers & Tucker. The bow & arrow scene in chapter 12 is great. I could hear the clicking & thrusting of the arrows. Hmmm—. Matt got what he deserved. Damn douche. Ronnie is a bitch. When Frendo is on a killing spree at the forbidden party, before all is learned, I thought, this person has to be someone who is active, fit, mobile. I then questioned if it is Mr. Vern, a high school teacher who hates the new generation. Mr. Vern has his 15-minutes of fame via a rant in a scene in his classroom, bashing all the students & then eventually “banning” them from Founder’s Day. I did, again, really start to suspect Mr. Vern when Glenn Maybrook is taken hostage & it is learned the previous doctor is dead, hence his sudden disappearance. I was like, some twisted stuff is going on. I can only imagine what that room smells like.

Frendo’s identity: I had my suspicions after Tucker, but I also kept it open for anything & anyone. I had a feeling the author was going to make almost anything happen. That’s what we learn in “Scream 4,” right? & this work is deemed as new age & old age. I did, however, always think it is Mr. Vern. The game changer: when it’s learned there is a group of killer clowns. I really no longer felt safe for these people. Like the cover says, the kids are not all right. & of course, they made sure Cole was OK. But then it is learned why, at the end. I can’t believe older & younger people joined forces & it not just being the elder. As for the killer clown group, this was well thought out. Ride or die. Or, intend to die.

Another twister, for me, is when it is learned the town’s former financier’s daughter is the one who died in the prologue/ beginning. All to only bring more weight on the beloved, & behated, Cole’s shoulders. The former financier deserted the town & left them hanging. The people understood though. So, they seemed to. But daddy dearest makes his grand return & mysterious exit & clever resurface, which explains why Cole must remain alive come the end. Twists, I tell you! Twists! What’s even more of a twister is the gay twist at the end. Hmmm—. Should’ve saw it coming when the two, Cole and Rust, gushed over each other after reuniting at the beginning of the party, but I don’t really have a gaydar.

What a plot! A scheme! Or schemes. 😊 Lots of blood, violence, shooting. Betrayal is a major theme. The feeling of entrapment is real. Scary. To be constantly chased, blindsided, by disguised people in a form that terrifies most, in a small town in the middle of nowhere. It can only be certain people who are after you. So much for love thy neighbour.

Cole, Cole, Cole! Everyone is obsessed with Cole. Hell, there came a point where I started to become, too! Way to go, Adam! You’re welcome! Parents hate him, girls love him, guys love him, apparently. Does he love himself? Seems like such a brooder. The town made Cole Hill carry so much when he accidentally burned down the abandoned factory. Were they really hoping to resurrect it?!? Their grudge is visible. The chemistry between Quinn & Cole meet.

I tried the audiobook. I couldn’t. The broad’s voice is so annoying. I wanted to channel Mr. Vern or the town sheriff in a Frendo costume while having to listen to her on her! She sounded so corny. Couldn’t they have gotten someone better?!? Her impressions were horrible! It helped me conclude: I’m not really into audiobooks. I’m old school. I don’t even really like e-readers. I like turning a page. 😉 Speaking of good old Mr. Vern, the audio reader really dragged on his rant. That was probably the breaking point –for me! It made LA traffic seem more eternal-er than it already is! Yes, I pay attention! Her voice is so irritating! Corny! Even though I’m against cancel culture, cancel her!!! Re-record- T.Swizzle style! I heart T.Swizzle.

Like all readings, this exposed me to more, opened more reading doors. I’m not trying to discriminate, but there’s only so much you can learn from a YA book. But don’t underestimate them! N E V E R! From some, you can actually learn a lot. Look at Gossip Girl. We’ll just say they’re a hit or a miss. I learned a few new words: Atonal. Deigned. Guttural. Cull. There were a few others. I forgot them. Young adult novels don’t use a lot of big words. LOL. The nods to reality: make “Kettle Springs great again.” LMAO. Yeah, that sets the tone for the town’s political status. When reflecting to Philadelphia, I thought the mention of the Comcast building was fun. It was a good book. I enjoyed it. I think some of the more important messages the story shares are, not everyone around you likes you. & in general, not when it comes to killing, or maybe, if you want something done right, do it yourself! Small town life can be cruel & rough. It’s not only common in big cities. We’ll just have to wait & see if it gets adapted into a major motion picture.

In life, they say you should let go of the things you love [most]. Why?!? Because if it’s meant to be it’ll come back?!? Yeah, not always the smarter choice, BUT life does have a funny way of working out & everything DOES come full circle. It’s such an awakening when you’re smacked with it, it’s great! It’s like life is rewarding you for putting up with everything along the journey. A benefit. It’s true! Speaking from experience! &, things.take.time. All these cliches are true! What’s meant to be will be. Everything happens for a reason. Yadayadayada. What about the afterlife? What do they say there? Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve! Better to have loved & lost than not loved at all? Thank God I never got any STIs; I should’ve fucked more people!

When I think how we have the ability to forge our destiny, when needed to, I get to thinking. & no, it’s not the pot. & I’m not going to go down a rabbit hole about life being pre-determined & yadayadayada. Let’s save that for when we are on pot. Or maybe when we’re not. When we get a great opportunity in life, we pretty much have to take it. Those should’ve, could’ve, would’ve moments are wretched. Life is a journey & not always a great one. The experiences we incur shape our character & we learn & grow. Well, [most] civilized, knowingly people do. Then, there are times we want to make shit happen & it does work out. Fantastic! There are times where we push for something & it doesn’t happen. Are we a failure? No. It’s just not happening this hoorah. Life is telling you, no matter how ready you think you are, you’re not. Unless you desperately want to fail & have this scar you, then, fuck it, yeah! Handle your scandal! Life’s double-edge sword is, you gotta take risks; go against the odds. Anyhow! That does not mean it’ll never work out. It’s just not happening now; there is another road to follow. It’s all so funny.

I left Hollywood six years ago. Let go of my true love. [Hollywood, that is!]. Lived abroad, lived in another state. Learned. Travelled. Met people. Wrote. Photographed. YadaYadaYada. STILL not done. I still have so much to conquer. I never really got homesick. I cracked once, but that was it. It was cathartic. A drunken moment. One of the near 3 million. Hair of the dog. It wasn’t that serious. I needed that to grow & understand the curve balls life was throwing. I caught them. I love a good curve. I was going to return to China, had a whole plan. But the closer it grew to happening, I became a little unsure & started to see other possibilities come to light. Fuck. I wanted both. Apparently, I tend to complicate things?!?! & Apparently have a flare for the dramatics!?! Not sure where that comes from!?!? But I then started to think, should I return to California? There are many things I like about it. The 2 major are art & geography. & having left, I have a different appreciation for the place. In the words of Taylor Swift, when you are young they assume you know nothing. Double-edge sword. It’s not as golden as everyone thinks though. All that glitters is not gold! I’ve grown & want to experience California a different way now. I became torn. If only I could be in 2 places at once. Torn. Then, that little thing called the pandemic happened. You know, COVID. Life wasn’t making the choices, I wasn’t making the choices, I had already made mine; the universe made it’s choice! I had already let go of Chicago for China, & then had the opportunity to be in California. F U N N Y! I couldn’t blame myself for withdrawing from China. LOL. It’s not dead, it’s just not happening now. Maybe I need more momentum for it? Apparently, I have unfinished business in California. The downfall of returning to California? Everything was closed! I couldn’t even go to the beach because PCH was closed, all the parking, the trails, the museums, the theatres. LMAO. But whatever! Life was telling me to regroup, be home, & work on whatever good mental health you had in you still. I was able to get reacquainted with the geography & old friends. You know, the kind that says, if you go live here, I’ll visit you & yadayadayada… Yeah, those ones caught up in their own life acting like the want to live another? Yeah, those. Bless their heart. 😊 & it is true, especially have been being back, the more things seem to change, the more they stay the same. I didn’t hang out with one friend to the next. No. & it just wasn’t about quarantine. LOL. It felt good being back.  & because it wasn’t just my life on hold, I wasn’t the only one missing out, everyone was! Hahaha! This time, I got to experience other things. Again, as a different kind of person, redeem advantages I’ll probably never be given again. Figured shit out, couch surfed, reflect differently, catch my breath from the whirlwind I was living; time to live at a different pace.

I wanted to do things differently this time around. If it’s in your control, make shit happen. Don’t be one of those settlers that always seem to say, it is what it is. Yeah, maybe in your world! I wanted to invest in property. No matter where life or my career shall take my, I’ll always be a Californian, an Angeleno. I will always come back here. I need[ed] something for me. & if it’s expensive now, it’s only going to get worse. I thought, what is accessible in California? LMFAO. Everyone on the planet knows it’s expensive here. & the prices have skyrocketed over the past decade or two. It USED to be easier here. Then, all these wannabes came, & people started to expand their family. Who does that!?! I wanted to move to the desert before it became a thing. I love living in the city, but I also enjoy being in the middle of nowhere, away from people. I started practicing social distancing before it became a thing. God, I’m such a trendsetter! Then, the damn pandemic happened & everyone flocked, mainly to the desert, complicating things. I needed a new job & no one was going back to an office or hiring, complicating things. Everything was everywhere. I had to strategize. I was thisclose to securing the desert. I pushed, I tried, I sacrificed. Then, it didn’t work out. Fine. It was OK. I listened to life. I resorted to life or the universe making the choices for me. In the back of my mind, I thought, what’s meant to be will be. When it came to buying, I was only going to do it in certain areas. Other certain areas were going to be places to live until I can make other things happen. Then, I thought & concluded, I’m really meant to be in Los Angeles. Changes came about. I had a different set of options. I was in a good place to make shit happen. On a detour, maybe, but, I’ll take it. I was needy not desperate. I still had a few obstacles to overcome & boy was I tried! I was tested! For patience. & on occasion for STIs. You gotta respect yourself! No, I didn’t have any symptoms, OK! I looked around for apartments in Los Angeles. I was revisiting my old stomping grounds, looking for a new place to call home, seeking my next adventure, pushing to have a different kind of happiness in my life, having an old kind back in my life. I was yearning to get back to me. The me I had come back for, in a sense. The old me with new twists. You get the damn picture. I didn’t have all the options in the world when it came to housing, but I did have some, a few. I wasn’t going to be extreme about things. LOL. It boiled down to 2 places. I was torn. Here we go, again…! & then, it all came to a conclusion. I was over the drama. I pros outweighed the cons. Neither had cons, which was the problem. I wanted to get back to where I started. I was ready to start anew, but go back to what I know, what I love[d], what help me grow & mold me; I was ready to go back to basics. Even though we should never be basic, this is the exception. Life is all about reinvention, but you don’t have to reinvent everything. Life basically took me to the entrance of this building I now reside in, “all by accident” or from a detour. LMFAO. & I was like, this is happening! I became so fucking excited. I worked for this. At times, unknowingly. Fought the moonlight, unknowingly. I was being rewarded. I returned to Hollywood. It was an interesting path, this journey, not always in my favour. Don’t make me reference the cliché I’m alluding to. The way everything worked out… F U N N Y! Life always gets the last laugh. What it wants, it gets! I was now going to be in the heart of Hollywood. Literally. It’s magical.

If I never left Hollywood, I can’t help but think, where would I be?!? Los Angeles wise. I would’ve eventually moved. Beverly Hills? Downtown? Playa del Rey. Who knows if/ when another teaching job abroad would’ve come my way? I’m sure. Maybe not in China? Or the opportunity to live in another state, another state besides Illinois? I used to want to live in Portland, but after the way they handled their protesting & rioting, no thank you! Not anytime soon. Is it STILL going on?!? The same with Seattle. I’ve always dug Seattle, but after the way they handled COVID, yeah, no thank you! Not anytime soon! I dig the DC area & the New England area, but it just hasn’t happened yet. 😊 Don’t get me wrong, California had it challenges, but I was already here & from here. Angelenos are their own beast to tame during “regular” times, so, there you go. But, I carry none of that should’ve, could’ve, would’ve with me. It feels really great to be back in Hollywood. & it’s a different section of Hollywood. I’ve done east, west, another side of central Hollywood, & now, I’m ready for the Los Angeles version of Times Square, Hollywood & Highland. Hollywood has changed. Not just the usual of clubs & restaurants. The homelessness is out of control, but that’s nearly everywhere in Los Angeles. Go somewhere else! Hollywood is going to be back in its new groove after everything opens up! & the way I snagged this apartment… I think if you show Hollywood some love, it’ll take care of you.

Hollywood has nearly everything I need. If I think I’m missing something, it hasn’t been discovered yet. I’m not being too presumptuous. It has its downfalls. It’s grungy. Some call it dirty. A little on the noisy side sometimes, but that’s the life I chose! City vs. desert! I can handle it. Parking is a bitch, of course. Sometimes in the morning when I’m walking a minimum of two major city blocks to my truck, Beverly, I have yet to get a parking permit, & because I need to lose some damn weight, maybe I shouldn’t! Although I do frequent Runyon, so I am working on it. Taking advantage of that resource. While crossing Hollywood boulevard when the streets are pretty empty, I look down it & fantasize & get old Hollywood vibes, like of the golden era, as if I were there. There’s the glamourous old soul in me. It’s beautiful. Maybe if my lazy ass gets up early enough in the morning, I can get some good shots —-photography that is! 😉 Maybe I should walk down Sunset & get a photo of the sun rising. The sun rises in the east & sets on the west. I’m sure there are plenty ways to say that phrase, but I like that one.

What’s even more metaphoric & magical about this situation, my return to Hollywood came in the season of rebirth, the spring. It aligns perfectly well to the way everything happened last year: letting things happen [naturally]. It wasn’t always easy, but it was an adventure that did have a lot of high notes of its own. Something good always comes out of something bad. I also totally agree that the pandemic was a good “reset” for the world, the great reset.

Getting back into a routine will take some time. It has & is. It’s a great new journey. So far so good! I’m OK with it all. I’m going at my pace. I’m soaking it all in. I think, for the most part, things should happen gradually, naturally, so they don’t feel like a chore, something you must do, & you end of resenting it in some way, it not exactly satisfying you; however, there are times where you must be forceful, create structure & discipline, but it shouldn’t be sooooo difficult.  It’s 2021, you should have your cake & be able to eat it, too! Hell, get seconds. 😊 Yes, some things happen quickly & suddenly & that’s great & happens often, but is that just our mind playing tricks on us because we’ve longed for things & when it happens, it comes off as “happening quickly?” Speaking of life happening, whether it be “quickly” or comedically or ironically, I left Hollywood a blonde & have returned a blonde. We’ll call that timing. The funny thing is, I STILL don’t know if they have more fun. That’s the life of a glamourous rockstar. You don’t know what’s real and what’s not, it’s just “normal” to you, but being normal is something you don’t want to do. Like Artie from “Cruella” says, “…normal is the cruelest insult of them all…” Ah, to each own. I’m not saying I’m going to retire in Hollywood. No. If I do, it better be in the hills! 😉 Actually, on certain maps, it says I live in the Hollywood Hills, so take that! I know there’s life outside the 90028. Have I made it? I can’t answer that yet as I’m not done, nor am I ready to throw in the towel. Who knows how long this hoorah will be? It’s just beginning. My last stay was 5 years. It’s funny because once I secured my apartment, this first thing I thought, courtesy of Madison Montgomery of American Horror Story: Coven is, I’m going back to Hollywood, where people are normal. For the longest, I felt like a dying vampire needing to feed. I couldn’t put my finger on it, nor yet my teeth into it, but returning to Hollywood is the beginning of the remedy. Now, the vampire needs to feed.

Usually, I don’t like eating at the same place more than once. & no, that has nothing to do with that fact that I’m willing to try anything once, twice. & when it becomes more than that, it’s a damn habit for Christ’s sake. 😊 I don’t want to sound like a diva, & some might say I have a flare for the dramatics, but I’m selective; I like trying new cuisines & restaurants, so if I continuously eat at the same ones, it’s going to take longer to get further.

Los Angeles offers a lot. Actually, California offers a lot. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my go-to eateries, & there will never be an end to fast food, especially when you’re under the influence, or just feel like piggin’ out –in a food way! 😉

Places, like people, and fashion, and now reboots of TV shows, or just TV shows in general, come and go. One restaurant I would never get tired of going to: Rockwell. I love Rockwell in the Los Feliz village. Well, I should sadly, or respectively, say LOVED! ☹ I learned today, which was like a week ago, maybe two –sorry! I’ve been busy! See missing posts from the last X number of months! Nearly last year! I learned the hard way, of course, Rockwell was closing down —permanently! Enter sad emoji here! I was on my way over there to have their infamous brunch, ran into thee chef Wayne, & he himself told me one of my favourite places was closing down. Well, it’s actually turning into an online catering service. Yeah, not the same. Who knows!?! Think of the real estate! That probably explains why no one was answering the phone when I was trying to make a reservations & the website was out of whack, but it still said it was open!?! & you know if something is published on the internet, IT’S TRUE! So what was I to think!?! That was my spot! I had my book party there! That magical night on November 8, 2014…

I’ve introduced Rockwell to sooo many people & they all loved it! I loved the big tree right smack on the middle of it all, the private areas upstairs, the vintage everything inside, the outdoor bar, which was super rad, the back entrance through the alley, which was super slick, the entrance right in the beginning of the village, & of course, the bottomless mimosas! I had good memories there. A few I don’t remember. The staff was hot, of course. Insert cat emoji with the heart eyes. There was a photo booth there. The photos taken there, that’s a secret I’ll never tell. The food was good, a few fusion dishes. Many of my guests loved the chorizo benedict. Sadly, I never went to any of the shows they had there. It would have seemed like a rock-in’ time! I think it’s a little ironic Rockwell is closing as things are beginning to open [again]. A true hidden gem is closing.

Rockwell. I also like that word: Rockwell. Hopefully one day it’ll be resurrected. Rockwell was only around for 11 years. I’m lucky to have known it for majority of its life. That can be deemed as aged for Hollywood standards. Ah, the loss of a great one. Rockwell: because I rock it well.

In case you’re stalking me, which I’m pretty sure you are, you’ve probably seen me post on social media about ‘Midwest’s Best.’ What is ‘Midwest’s Best’ you ask? ‘MB’ is a [fictional] TV show I’ve created. It will fictionally broadcast on Hulu, & it will only fictionally broadcast on there until it actually broadcasts on there. Most of my writing takes place in Los Angeles. ‘MB’ is the “first” writing piece that does not take place in SoCal, it takes place in the Midwest; however, there will be nods, of course, to Los Angeles. SPOILER ALERT!

‘MB’ is not-so “everyday life,” kind of, in the Midwest, mainly Chicago. It stars & centers on, aside from Chicago, “JC” & “Charlie,” 2 friends who work at “Cliniswirl” together located in the greater Chicago area. City life & suburb life is told & focused on. Think of a midwestern form of ‘The Hills’ yet mocked & comedic yet scandalous & [more] entertaining –with fashion, because it’s my creation & you can rock every season in the Midwest, especially “’Dem Midwestern Winters”— SPOILER ALERT! There’s also a lot of nods to the entire region, & then some. & let’s just say, I love giving nods.

Originally, ‘MB’ was only supposed to be 2 seasons, but the story grew, of course, & now it is blossomed into 5 seasons. SPOILER ALERT: season 5 is the shortest. There’s a wide variety of things in the series. It is, after all, my creation. I’ve worked on not having it be a ‘Cubicle Diaries’ redo; however, there are nods, of course, to ‘The Cubicle Diaries,’ & SPOILER ALERT: there are quite a few crossovers between the two in both series. In case you missed it, there’s a crossover in volume III of ‘The Cubicle Diaries’ & we will see that crossover be “out there/ continued/ come to life”—sort of, in season 3 of ‘MB,’ yet we might see one differently, kind of, in season 1. SPOILER ALERT! So not apologizing for leaving you on edge/ hanging. That’s basically how I make money. 😉 Although, I’m not quitting my day-job. 😉 & I’m not rich –yet! But this will all definitely have you thinking, where is he going with all this!?!

The other thing about ‘MB,’ aside from sharing the not-so-average type of lifestyle for a twenty-something/ thirty-something/ & maybe even forty-something in the Midwest, because it can be labelled as “boring” or “flat” – no pun because there’s no mountains over there —LMFAO!, is that it is also introducing other pieces of my work, my universe. For example, SPOILER ALERT! & maybe I shouldn’t be sharing so much, but OH well…, we’ll see the introduction of Velvet Apparition, a [fictional], of course, because fiction is my problem, rock band that introduces a whole new story under me. When it comes to that ‘Untitled’ piece, think old versus new, whether it’s glamour, money, pop culture, or the way we treat people –even our family members. The concept of that story came to me during my visit to Cleveland, Ohio, & from my visit to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Coming up with that piece was extraordinary at the time. In retrospect, I’ve realized it is magical. I AM a writer! 😊 But, I will share. You won’t see it sooner; you’ll see it later.    

Like most new broadcasted TV shows on the web [–?], ‘MB’ will be broadcasted all at once –each season-by-season. Gotta feed that binge beast! The people want what they want! Will all 5 seasons be available at once? No. I have a strong outline of ‘MB,’ but I don’t consider it a finished project. There are many touch-ups, not fill-ups 😉, that need to be done. Part of being a writer, aside from the media, especially social media, you’re constantly scrutinizing your work & it can always “be better,” but you must learn to step away from it & appreciate the masterpiece you’ve created. Like parents, “make it better with the next child…” My goal is to have all 5 seasons “completed” before anything is out there/ published into planet Earth, i.e., season 1. Not the entire script, just a detailed outline. I’m very open to collaboration. I’m a renaissance man, not everything. Fun fact: I did a similar thing with ‘TCD.’ I made sure the entire story was done before volume I was published. With ‘MB,’ it’s different though.I’m writing ‘MB’ strictly as a TV show, where as with ‘TCD’ I wrote it as a book [series] with the goal to turn it into a TV show. I did, however, write every single word of ‘The Cubicle Diaries’ series. That’s all me! The good, the bad, & for the most important, the scandalous. The 2 different formats need to be attended to differently. SPOILER ALERT: the episode–s! Yes, there is a ‘s’ at the end of that! “Midwestern Haunting” of ‘MB’ is like my “Holiday Madness” of ‘TCD.’ They’re very different, yet they hold a strong piece of me. I’ve had sooooooo much fun with ‘’Midwestern Haunting.” That storyline is linked to so much! SPOILER ALERT: it ties a chunk of season 4 & very subtle nods to the OHMG universe. Instagram has the most spoilers. From the first finale to the last.  

It’s been fun & great! I’m still not done! I’m excited for it. I am, however, not going to rush to put it out. I’m nurturing this one different, &, again, there’s other things I’m doing with it, & all good art should not be rushed, 😉, BUT! I will tell you one thing, I C A N N O T wait for, “Previously, on “Midwest’s Best” …”.

Andy Warhol said, we spend much of our lives seeing without observing. I’ve said this ad nauseam, in life we should pay attention to the signs; life is always talking to us. I can’t help but notice, especially as of late, how much I’ve been visited by dragonflies. I’ve always been fascinated by those fluttery little creatures. They’re beautiful. Flying around like it’s no one’s business —even theirs! Believe it or not, they’re harmless.

Various outlets have reported that anciently dragonflies mean change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. Change that is often referred to regarding mental and emotional maturity and understanding the deeper meaning of life; or, If you see dragonflies often, you have been called to look within and see what areas you could possibly improve on, and what you can shed in order to bring more light and freedom into your life.

Wow! The stars must be aligning for me, in my favour! I was shocked & pleased when I looked up their symbolism. & you know since it was published on the internet it’s true! It all makes sense to me, especially the way I feel; my current feelings were confirmed. I’ll admit, I’ve recently gone through a form of transformation, a realization. & I don’t mean that because I’ve dropped a few pounds! I seriously mean it! The seasons are changing! Literally! OK, maybe not on the calendar… & because I try to listen & pay attention to life, I’ve received the message[s] & confirmation[s]. I take that as a good sign things are good. They might come off a little bad & challenging at times, but that’s life for you. I do know where I could use some improvement, & it’s all underscored by a saying I try to stand by, one of the many: don’t live comfortably! One should never live tooooo comfortable. We must be prepared as much as we can for the next step, whenever/ if ever it shall come. Or, if a pandemic happens & throws your life in a tizzy. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s good to live in the moment & chill out & do you, you know…, but like the Bazooka Joe comic #46 of 50 says, if you really want your dreams to come true, don’t sleep. It’s hard! Yes! Oh, so hard, especially because Californians LOVE their sleep! I mean, there’s even a bed named after California! Go figure. But truly, not only if you want something done right, you do it yourself, but if you want your dreams to come true, don’t sleep! There’s always some sort of battered fish to fry. Have I been super lazy & exercising procrastination? Not entirely. 🙂 I am, however, somewhat taking advantage of the situation we’re allllll in, but I strongly believe sometimes we should break from the revolving world around us for our own well-being & take a moment, or some time, to figure things out, catch our breath, & smell the coffee, because after all, There’s Something in the Coffee. & there is NOTHING wrong with that! But again, don’t live too comfortably. They say, it’s all a balance. Something I’m not entirely familiar with. I did say I was working on some areas, right? 😊

Going back to life & signs & beautiful things Mother Nature produces, life’s visitors. When I noticed I was being frequented by spiders & peacocks I couldn’t help but be in awe. Of course, I was in a different state & phase of my life, but I was still going through something I could identify & resonate with. It all validated my position & standing in the world, today & at that time. It’s sad, because most don’t see it! That’s because we see without observing. & that’s your bad, not mine. Life is always changing & when it’s good, OH! we’re on top of the world & fuck everyone else. But when it’s bad, EVERYONE is out to get you & fuck everyone! Call me cutthroat, but I checked my conscious at the door. We tend to be so caught up in the obvious, that we tend to overlook the small things that tend to give us more meaning.

Here’s a fun fact, or maybe a few… this post was intended to be short. Clearly not happening! I put effort into these blogs! BUT! What I will say is that I was planning to mention, or make nods to, spiders & peacocks. Yes, previously mentioned, which is super crazy, funny, & ironic! At one point in my life, I was experiencing much of them, too! Enough to blog about them but guess what!?! When I blogged about spiders it was at this exact time four years ago!?! C R A Z Y! Funny how life works out. Is it all some sort of cycle? No, not menstrual cycle! I am trippin’ though because I haven’t got it… LMAO. But what’s funnier is, I knew I was going through a transformation then, & it’s as clear as crystal in retrospect. I loved that apartment, Granville, with all the huge spiders in the windowpane. But, only in the summer though. I was shocked to learn more about spiders when I looked up their symbolism. Here we are thinking they mean something bad. When I thought about peacocks, I thought of my exit from “Cliniswirl,” & that was an experience of its own! Talk about change & growth & leaving the left behind! I was also in the south celebrating another trip around the sun, so change was inevitable. The timing of it all. I’ll admit, I’ve gone through changes over the years. All for the better. I also appreciate the fact that my inner animal, according to horoscope dot com is a butterfly. Go figure.

I also thought about China when I realized I was being frequented by dragonflies. I experienced the most of them there. It was great. I think that was their homeland. Sometimes when I would walk through a field or unpaved roads/ alleyways & saw so many, I was a little scared because I thought I was going to be attacked, something like a scene straight out of My Girl. Again, unknowingly, & only visible in retrospect, for the most part, I was going through a[nother] transition of life, probably one of the biggest. & that was when I learned they’re harmless! Dragonflies that is! 😊 I would not trade that experience for anything in the world. Have I reached maturity to its fullest? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’m still pretty young. LMAO. But I have come a long way. I know that for a fact. I know a lot I don’t know everything! & is China out of the picture? No.it’s.not!

With change in yourself, you expect to see change in others, the world, especially if you think you can’t change [certain things] in your personal life. But don’t get it twisted. People will always let you down, even the people closest to you, even the people you thought you could really count on. But again, that’s life. It’s not always rainbows & butterflies, or for some, lakes, beaches, & Rodeo Dr. There are times when you begin to think things may be different, & you’re reminded, not always in a pleasant way, that the more things seem to change, the more they stay the same. We all have an individual universe. Being visited by dragonflies reminds me that change & growth is coming & even though the world is in a standstill, I don’t have to be. Life.goes.on.

Dream. We all do it. Sometimes, we call our dreams nightmares; sometimes, we call them fantasies. Will we ever understand them? Will they ever come true? I think it’s funny when you dream of a certain place you’re familiar with, but in your dream that place is laid out & looks completely different but it is still that place.

Unlike a lot, I have not had the luxury of doing nothing during this pandemic. I have actually been pretty busy. Not necessarily doing all the things I would like to do, but I have been preoccupied & making the most of my life. Funny, because in retrospect I was practicing social distancing before it was a thing. & because people are stupid, think the world revolves around them, choose to believe what is going on is not real, & choose to believe they are being stripped of their rights having to wear a mask in public, we are stuck in this for a second wave. Hang tight because there will probably be more; a tsunami is just over the horizon. Newsflash people: Americans are not invincible. It sucks for the people who are actually doing their part. But this post is not about the elephant living in every room possible, this post is about a book, a rather good book I read. Reese Witherspoon, watch out!

I have been trying to read more. During a pandemic, what better time! I think it is safe to say I am no longer traumatized having to read 4 books a week minimum for majority of the year à college life, English college life. One can also only read so much of their own work 😉 à The Cubicle Diaries. I will admit though, The Cubicle Diaries, all 3, still get me every time. Sadly, the library is not open the way it used to be. Where are all the homeless people hanging out now?!? I am an old soul, so I love having an actual book in my hands, turning the page, using a bookmark.

How the Dead Dream. Immediately, when I crossed the title it struck me, like a hot passerby. How I originally crossed the book, I do not exactly know. I crossed it twice though. I think the first time was on the LAPL website. The second time was when I was cyber stalking someone & saw they published an article on it. Then I was like, I need to check this out. Then I thought, how do the dead dream? With regret? Remorse? Are they really happy for not needing to pay bills anymore? Stupid question! Are they really paying for their sins? Wishing they could turn back the hands of time? I bet there is a lot of ‘should’ve, could’ve, would’ve’ going on in that dead brain of theirs! I am talking about the dead, not the living. We only have 1 life to live, & here people are thinking they are living their best life…

How the Dead Dream is a good book. Written by Lydia Millet, it is set in the 90s. A great time. Santa Monica was NOT what it is now. It was better then. There are quite a few plot twists I did not see coming. All it did was drag me deeper into the story. The main character, T., is introduced & described well. I like the vocabulary the book has to offer. I have learned some interesting new words to add to my ever-growing vocabulary. That is what I love, among many things, about English: learning new words, finding clues & signs. I got Heart of Darkness vibes as I was reading the latter half of the book: going into the jungle, befriending a local civilian, facing animals who are facing extinction, money. One common theme throughout the book was death. Go figure! Hello! ‘Dead’ is in the title! Nearly everything and everyone around T. dies. I should also mention absenteeism. & if it is not him, it is a relationship he has. I begin to think, is he the dead one?!? Is he the problem? It seems like all T. is looking for is love and companionship, yet he loves being alone at the same time. T. is a complex character. Hmmm… It is clear he loves animals more than humans. The book is not one of those pieces of work where the title is hotter & better than the content. Even though this book is [intended] to be a standalone book, I believe it is part of an ‘extinction’ trilogy-based- theme Lydia Millet has going on. I am surprised as to how many cover arts there are for the book. Are there answers to every question the reader has? No. But let us say that is intended for reader interpretation.

Here are some of the great new words I have learned & I cannot wait to incorporate them into my everyday vocabulary!

Rudimentary

Sacrosanct

Monolithic

Ruminating/ ruminate

Technophile

Glemorangie

Amanuensis

Superfluous

Allayed

Patina

Tawdriness

Deciduous

Fulminate

Incursions

Tenuousness

Traipsing

Tarpaulin

Elegy

Dignitary

Someone speak nerdy to me!

A quote that really got to me is, “When a thing became very scarce, that was when it was finally also seen to be sublime & lovely.” [Millet 238]. Rare find. 😊

I think the dead dream of living, making up for lost time, while the living tends to dream of being dead. Ties hand-in-hand with the saying, youth is wasted on the young. Makes me wonder, how will I dream when I am dead? I do not think death is a bad thing. Out of everything in life, we are only ASSured that & taxes. So why should it come as such a surprise? Don’t get me wrong, when death strikes suddenly, of course it can be shocking, tragic, but when people know someone they are closed to is going to die because of an ongoing illness or old age, that should not be a such a shock when it happens because they saw it coming & had a fair warning & ultimately, that is the way life goes; death is always there. Go ahead & add ‘insensitive’ to the labels. & to answer your questions, no, I have not read that published article & no, not all that I am doing at this time is cyber stalking. Again, I set many trends before they were a thing now. 😉 & yes, I would read this book over again & the next time I do, I will buy it. Thank you, LAPL. NEVER underestimate the power of the library. It keeps us living.

I’ve done some down things in my day, but one of the downest is driving across the country —alone. I’ve already shared I’ve ditched Chicago. See last post. Funny, because when I concluded I was going to officially leave, it was on/ around national divorce day, the first Monday of the new year. What’s even more ironic is it was also around the time of my anniversary with Chicago. Yup, it was full circle type of deal. I had been going back & forth with myself whether I should stay or not, but I couldn’t see myself committing for another year. I felt good where I was at with the city, & all that I’ve accomplished with it. I also didn’t want to be there mid 2020 hating it. I wanted to leave on a good note. Was I over it? Yes.

I was very much concerned whether all my belongings were going to fit in the rental for my road trip. I don’t have that much stuff, so I believe. I packed little by little so I wouldn’t be rushing at the last minute. Plus, I was social distancing before it became a thing; I was slowly saying goodbye to Chicago. I did chop some fat off before I left — I mean toward my belongings, not my bod! LMFAO. Sadly. But ever since I left California & had to get rid of 90% of my shit, at the time, & knowing I wasn’t going to settle, settle anywhere permanently anytime soon, I’ve maintained the mentality to live minimal. It’s good to have your personal, personal belongings with you, especially to also make yourself feel at home when you’re away.

As soon as I got in the rental, I looked in the back. I was relieved when I saw everything was going to fit. I was mentally over exaggerating. Go figure. I was prepared to ship some shit. I got back to the loft that was no longer going to be mine, loaded the van, & bid adieu to my Chicago apartment, which I did love for the record, & off I went. California bound.

Out of all the states I drove through, Illinois was the only state that had tolls. Go figure. I’m so glad I’m done with that place & it’s stupid hiked taxes! Some of the tolls even make you get off the freeway, or “expressway” as they call it, because it ain’t free! & it’s easy to pass it & you know they hope you forget to pay later so they can steroid-up the “violation” when they happily mail you a bill. Stupid Illinois. I did have a good run there though.

I wasn’t going to push myself, like I usually do for most things, to get through the trip as soon as I could. I told myself, if I’m tired, I’m going to nap. If I want to stop & see something, I will. If I want to eat, I will. But I wasn’t looking to extend my rental.

I got to Iowa & took a small break. Ain’t nothing in Iowa. The best part was napping —in the car! & the fast food I hadn’t eaten in a month. No, I wasn’t saving fast food for a month! I hadn’t eaten fast food the whole month of January!

I passed through Nebraska. I’ve always been curious about Nebraska. Ain’t much going on there either. Well, everyone knows that. When I passed through Omaha, I was like, OK, this could be happening!?! But it was late & I know everything was closed, conservative style. Driving through Nebraska was the scariest. It was dark & snowy & I was surrounded by nothing but truckers. It was late in the night. The DMV booklet is right, don’t use your high beams in the low fog or snow or low fog-snow weather. If you can’t see, get the fuck off the road. During the day in certain parts for long periods of time, I didn’t have cellular service, go figure, so I was like, great! It is flatlands galore. All the radio stations play country music & the rental didn’t read my iPod for some reason. Yes, I own an iPod & I use it frequently. & no, I’m not entirely against country music, but one does like to bump that gangster rap & oldies aside from Britney & & T.Swizzle & rock! I saw a windmill & I was like, this is a must! LMFAO! I stopped & took a shot of it. As in photograph & not whiskey!

I finally got out of Nebraska after shouting “Beetlejuice” 3 times. Yes, that’s ALL it took! Then, I entered Colorado. The entrance of Colorado was like the exit of Nebraska: near eternal. Given I had been driving for a while. I had a catnap in Nebraska.

I originally planned to stay in Denver & really check it out, versus the places I had already been, but then I started thinking, I have a car with all my stuff in it & how safe is Denver?!? I literally sat there & debated to stay or not. I concluded, after so much going back & forth with myself, & the few in my head, no. I REALLY wanted to, but that was one risk I didn’t want to take. It’s bad enough I did have Survival insurance! Is that even around still?!? LMFAO! Parking in a structure, or secured area, or not, I didn’t want to risk the rental getting broken into. I couldn’t take the “important” stuff with me, everything was! Plus, I did the calculations. I would’ve lost like 16 hours, minimum. Again, I wasn’t looking to extend my rental also. I took my time through Denver though. I stopped to rest, & when I did, I became I restless. All of a sudden. The drivers were aggressive in Denver! The mountain roads were steep & there was snow. I know I probably pissed of some truck drivers. I drove with caution. I wasn’t going to crash! Plus, having not driven for years, my driving record is CLEAN! I was not looking to get a ticket or crash in the middle of nowhere.

I felt like such a trucker, on the road; stopping at all the gas stations & bombing the toilets & I DON’T mean that in a terroristic way! I mean in a digestive way! LMFAO. I was surprised to see stops / gas stations have showers! Times have changed. One thing, along the way, I also kept an eye on the gas prices & doing some statistics of my own on them. I was mentally preparing of what the damage would be come my arrival & the need to drive in the great state of California. Everyone knows you need to drive in California & the gas prices are intentionally higher. Add that to the list of conspiracy theories. My feet hurt a tad because I had been wearing the same shoes & my body wasn’t giving off the smell of ass yet.

That night, I made out to Utah. I was most cautious about wildlife running out toward me the road in Utah. People sped there, too! Utah was beautiful. I felt sooooooo close to the stars. The night sky was clear & vivid. The geography was beautiful. I wouldn’t mind camping there. I, then, broke for a few hours.

I finished up Utah & got to Vegas via Arizona. Driving through Arizona was scenic, too. Aside from actually being there, I really felt like I was in the desert. The roads were windy & narrow & there was construction going on. Even better! The sunrise peaking over the mountains was beautiful. Once I got to Vegas, I was definitely like, I know where I’m at & I’m getting home today! There was an accident in Vegas, & I was like, it begins… the traffic, the population.

By this time, I was a little irritated because I had a little tooooo much time to think & there were certain negative thoughts that were going through my head. Curse that rental not reading my iPod! I had to shake them off. I got gasoline in Vegas & that’s when the I noticed the prices had crept up. I also needed to stretch.

I chose this route because it helped me wrap up my “I-want-to-do-the-whole-Midwest-while-I’m-in-Chicago” mission; I was able to see more. The one exception, & I could see myself still going there, is South Dakota. Although, there are debates whether the Dakotas are apart of the Midwest, because some argue they’re not & not wholly as a state, I still consider [half of] South Dakota, & I guess [half of] North Dakota, too, part of the Midwest. I want to see Mount Rushmore. I was somewhat on a time schedule. I had other things planned.

I’ve been to Vegas God only knows how many times. (I had to basically ban myself from there). I didn’t want the navigation on my mobile, that we all rely on [now], to take me the “long” way to Los Angeles/ the Valley, so I took the route I know, the back way to/ fro Vegas. When I hopped onto the 14, I was like, OK, time to start driving like an Angeleno: aggressive & like you’re trying to get home to shit! Or, bomb the toilet, rather. More than I already had been. Plus, people speed in the damn desert! Westerns overrule FIBs at any given moment. I got to my destination & thanked Jesus, Fiona Goode, & Dionysus! My feet smelled. I needed to stretch. I unloaded the van immediately.

The first thing I did when I arrived to Los Angeles, after the grand entrance was made, shower or no shower, that I had been saying I would do for the LONGEST, was go to Runyon Canyon. I had been longing to go on a hike in a canyon! I had been longing to go to the beach, too, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. I would know, I’ve been there.

I returned the rental at LAX. I know, way out there! But it was cheaper, by a lot, to drop it off there, & I’m pretty cheap, or extremely frugal, rather, & then hopped on the Flyaway, & headed back to home, to the Valley —& showered! I made it, from lake to shining sea.

Roads take us where we need to go & bring us from where we were, where we no longer need to be. As a passenger, we ponder, we control the radio, we stare out at land to be conquered & reminisce about what we’ve accomplished. As the driver, we’re in control. Literally. Serving as the navigator, the leader, the one who will get us to destination safely for the next venture. Today, I hit the road in start of something new. Today, I bid adieu to Chicago.

When I think about how much I’ve grown over the year & how much has changed, I then stop & really think, Oh shit! This December doesn’t just close the year; this December closes the decade! I then go deeper into my thoughts & think about how much has changed & how I’ve grown over the last decade. My God! I’m definitely not the same person. All for the right reasons! 😊 I’m all for being nostalgic, but I’m not going to sit here & unpack everything.

This has been a CRAZY year. Crazy in a good way. Lots of growth. I reread some of my previous December/ closing of the year posts, & I’ve shared before that the previous year had been crazy –in a good way– & then I got to thinking, I THINK I might be doing something right!?! 😊 It could all be a lot worse! But, let’s NOT go there. I truly am fortunate & do not take it for granted at all. This year I concluded my book series, The Cubicle Diaries. I moved apartments. I got the fuck out of that CRAZY, UNHEALTHY workplace, Cliniswirl. I’ve been fortunate to do quite the travelling, of which I’m not done yet! I have something brewing for New Years, & let’s just say “New” has a lot to do with it. 😉 My year basically opened & closed in Canada. Canadians interest me, eh. I’ll admit, I’ve also been thinking about “what’s next?” & when I get to that point, I begin, somehow, planning something major. I leave it to the gods. What they want is what they want. I know what’s next & I don’t know what’s next, 😉, & I’m OK with that. I know there will be even more changes for me in 2020, GREAT CHANGES!

I got to see a whole new side of Chicago this year & meet all sorts of new people. I don’t think that would’ve been much of an option if I was still trapped in that God forsaken place, Cliniswirl. I was limited there, & I’m not for that. I was reminded & reassured: everything happens for a reason & everything will work out. Not that I ever thought otherwise; otherwise, I wouldn’t be where I’m at today with all the things I have. I feel like a lot of the people I’ve encountered have gone through their own big personal changes, too. I’m grateful for change, for it gives me the opportunity to develop. I’m not going to say this year flew by with flying colors & everything was perfect, because it wasn’t. But what I will say is, I’m grateful for each new challenge, because it builds my strength & character. I’m not an insecure person, but I’ve developed new strengths & confidence & overcame obstacles that were in my way.

What’s interesting about the last full moon, the cold moon, was that it was on 12/12 @ 12:12 A.M. EST. Also, interesting, for the Midwesterners, 😉, the cold moon was on 12.11 @ 11:12 P.M. I’m very much into numerology. It’s freaky & interesting at the same time. & this Christmas, we got a surprise in the form of a new moon. & for Chicagoans, additionally, we got warm weather basically the whole week of Christmas! Talk about rare instances! It legitimately feels hot here. I’m excited for 2020. I’ve always been fascinated with it, for some strange reason. I remember being younger & thinking, imagine when 2020 comes?!? What will it be like?!? & here we are now, awaiting its arrival in just under a week. It seemed so far away. I’m looking forward to saying, It’s 2020. It’s time we start seeing things a little clearer now. But I don’t mind a little blurred vision occasionally, if you know what I mean… 😊

I rearranged my apartment. The feeling afterward was a great one. It brought such a sense of newness! Kind of how when you, or the help, clean the shit out of your place; or after you wash/ change your bedsheets. & no, not to help shake off that whore-ish feeling you have for sleeping around. That is the point, right?!? Feeling refreshed. Change is good. Even the smallest changes count. I’m seeing things in a whole other view. LOL. Pun intended. Talk about “point of view.” LOL. OK, I WON’T quit my day job! Anyhow, everyone has their own, & out of 7+ billion people on planet Earth, we still have the audacity to think everything resolves around us. Life is about having fun & experiences, but life is also about reinvention. Taking what didn’t work, & what did, & making it better; evolving. Everyone loves & hates a reboot. HOPEFULLY, learn from mistakes. OK, reaching for the stars now! 😉 We should never be the same. Funny how the more things seem to change, the more they stay the same. I should’ve titled this, A Series of Contradicting Statements, but I’m sure you get where I’m going. If not, I’m sorry you feel that way. Sorry not sorry. Maybe you don’t get my humour, even if it is a little dry, drier than the Mojave. LOL! I should tell that at parties…

Let’s talk about change & switching things up; switch.it.up! 2019 may be coming to a close, but it’s not over; the sun hasn’t set yet. Don’t wait for the new year for change. It’s not too late to incorporate things into this year. People are still celebrating their birthday; new beginnings are occurring every day. Although, major calendar marks do help. I really feel like I’m in a different apartment. I love my apartment; I love being home. One should always feel comfy at home. It is, after all, your home & you do pay X amount to live there.